I HATE THAT STUPID HANS AND FRANZ COMMERCIAL

Thanks to my college work, it's been a while since I've published something of substance on this here blog. That's not going to change today, but hey, at least it isn't another half-assed prediction article, right?

If you've watched even one football game all the way through this year, no matter the time or network, I'm sure you've seen a commercial for State Farm Insurance featuring this guy:

Aaron Rodgers: the freshmaker.

But it isn't just a commercial featuring Aaron Rodgers, Packers quarterback extraordinaire. It also features these two douchebags:

Only without most of their real hair.

That would be Hans and Franz, portrayed by Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon. I'd say "respectively," but I honestly don't know which one was Hans and which one was Franz. I also don't care enough to look it up.

For those not in the know, Hans and Franz were in Saturday Night Live sketches throughout the late 80s and early 90s. They were takeoffs of Arnold Schwarzenegger, basically highlighting that he's a muscle-bound meathead with nothing to say of consequence, a fact that has only become more apparent in the ensuing quarter century.

As a sketch from 25 years ago, it was fine, but their inclusion in this new commercial grinds my gears. More backstory- last year, Rodgers was in a commercial with these gentlemen:

"Go 'what' myself? Well I never!"

This was Rodgers' first encounter with a former recurring SNL sketch. But this one actually makes sense. You see, they're Bears fans. I don't know if you noticed, but the Bears and Packers have been playing each other for the better part of a century. To have the Packers' biggest star meet two beloved Bears fans that people remember was kind of a funny idea.

What in the green hell does Aaron Rodgers need to meet Hans and 'effing Franz for? What's the connection.

For reference, here's the one minute commercial. I'm very sorry I couldn't find the shorter version. Actually, I'm not really. If I had to watch this commercial multiple times over the last two months, you should have to watch it once.

Okay, first off, why does Aaron Rodgers know who Hans and Franz are? I know they were on SNL, but they aren't on SNL in this commercial. They're just hanging out in the real world. So does that mean that Hans and Franz are real people? Like, it wasn't an act? Or are Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon just Hans and Franz playing characters? Or is this happening in Aaron Rodgers' head and he's actually clinically insane?

Also, is this just going to be a thing now? Aaron Rodgers, through his sponsorship of State Farm, takes SNL characters from the 90s under his wing and saves them all money, after which they express gratitude in their own ways? So next year, is Goatboy going to help Aaron Rodgers out? Are Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri going to cheer Aaron Rodgers on as his personal cheerleaders? Will Aaron Rodgers appear on an episode of Sprockets?

Look, bottom line, the commercial isn't funny, or enjoyable, or pleasant. It's overplayed, and frankly, shitty. I know it's a hack thing to do to bitch and moan about a commercial, but Jesus, this fucking thing is omnipresent!

This damn thing is already over 500 words, so for your sake and mine, I'll stop. I just needed to vent. Now I'm going to go watch TV and revel in Aaron Rodgers' trip to the girls bathroom at the local Catholic school.