TOOK A WRONG TURN: GEOGRAPHICALLY INAPPROPRIATE TEAM NAMES

I'm a bit behind on the news (shocking!), but a few days ago, the Charlotte Bobcats announced that they will henceforth be known as the Charlotte Hornets. This was the arrangement settled on when the New Orleans Hornets (the original Charlotte Hornets that moved to the bayou in 2002) changed their name to the Pelicans at new owner Tom Benson's urging.

Which is really cool. "Hornets" is a great name for a team based in Charlotte. The city was nicknamed the hornet's nest as early as the Revolutionary War. It's so ingrained in the city's consciousness that a hornet is on the Charlotte police department's badges.

"Hornets" as a name didn't have any significance to New Orleans. But it's not like it was the only team name that had a tenuous to nonexistent connection to its team's surrounding area. Here's some examples of names that just plain don't work for that team's city, listed in order of kind of to very egregious.

Before we begin, I'd like to thank my brother Erik, paleontologist in training for his help with this article and for not making me look like a moron (or as much of one). I was originally going to put the Toronto Raptors and Nashville Predators on this list, but according to him, raptors and sabre tooth tigers were indeed indigenous to the Toronto area and Tennessee, respectively. So you're off the list Toronto and Nashville. Just watch your asses.

MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES

Most of the team names I'm going to list here actually made sense at one point. The Grizzlies' name is no different. They began play in the 1995-96 NBA season as the VANCOUVER Grizzlies, which has an abundance bears in the area, grizzlies included. They moved to Memphis, Tennessee in 2001 and kept their name. Unfortunately for them, there are no grizzlies in Memphis, the state of Tennessee, or any part of the eastern United States. Grizzlies mainly inhabit dense forests and mountainous areas, none of which can be found in the Volunteer State.

The great mountains of Tennessee...

NEW ORLEANS HORNETS

I went over this in the prologue. As much as we may make fun of the "Pelican" name, it's more appropriate for New Orleans than "Hornets." Although New Orleans is no stranger to affecting name appropriateness...

UTAH JAZZ

The Jazz were originally based in New Orleans, known the world over for jazz musicians and hangovers. The Jazz moved to Salt Lake City in 1979. Conservative, Mormon and possibly jazz-hating Salt Lake City. But the name has been embraced in the area because, well, the Jazz were awesome for, like, 25 straight years. Winning really does cure all ills.

LOS ANGELES DODGERS

Back when the Dodgers were in Brooklyn they had numerous (and often, ridiculous) names. But when "Dodgers" came around it stuck... for two years. Then the team was renamed the Superbas (?!?) and then were the Robins for almost twenty years. But THEN the Dodgers name stuck.

"'Dodgers' is passe. I've been thinking of renaming the team 'the Cthulhus.'"

The name fit the borough, although today it's terribly antiquated. It referred to Brooklyn natives trolley dodging, because apparently the threat of being run over by a trolley was very real eighty years ago. To quote Billy Joel, the good old days weren't always good. Of course there are no trolleys in New York City anymore, or in Los Angeles for that matter. Ironically, if the team moved to San Francisco back in the day, the name would still apply.

Pictured: a potential killing machine.

LOS ANGELES LAKERS

Staying in Tinseltown, here's another name that no longer makes sense. Originally the Minneapolis Lakers, the name was in reference to Minnesota being the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Good name. Once the team moved west in 1960, there was a slight problem- there are no lakes in Los Angeles, or in the entire state of California. Que sera, I guess.

WASHINGTON WIZARDS

This one's a bit different, since "Wizards" could be seen as a bit of a generic name. I'll say the name does fit the city, but it calls attention to some pretty shady parts of Washington, D.C.'s history. Now with that carrot dangling in front of you, here's some back-story.

The Wizards were originally based in Chicago, but when they moved to Baltimore in their third season, they assumed the nickname "Bullets." It was a reference/homage to the original Baltimore Bullets, who won the 1948 NBA championship (BAA at the time) and folded in the mid-50s. The moniker stuck even after the team moved a city over to the nation's capital, and all was right in the world. Until 1997.

Washington, D.C. had quite the homicide streak in the early 90s, making owner Abe Pollin increasingly uncomfortable what with his team being named the Bullets and all. Finally, after Yitzhak Rabin, the Israeli Prime Minister and Pollin's friend was murdered, Pollin decided to have the name changed to something more politically correct.

A contest was held for fans to choose the team's new nickname, eventually narrowing it down to Wizards (obviously), but also Sea Dogs, Dragons, Express and Stallions. Now none of those names are great, but they didn't call attention to Washington D.C.'s reputation for busting caps in your ass, so when "Wizards" was chosen, all was good. Except it wasn't.

You see, Washington, D.C. was quite the hub for the Ku Klux Klan back in the day. The title for head-racist was grand wizard. (Funnily enough, dragon can also be a high ranking KKK official in certain branches.) So to try and go with a more politically correct name, the team chose the most politically incorrect name it could have possibly gone with. Nice going, Mr. Pollin.

NEW YORK RANGERS

Oh yeah. Even the old ones aren't perfect. The Rangers were founded in 1926 by Tex Rickard, who built the third incarnation of Madison Square Garden where the Rangers would play. Rickard at one time had been the marshal in the town of Henrietta, Texas, and was nicknamed "Tex" by the locals because people from Texas are nothing if not creative.

The Super Rangers from Right to Left: Shorty, Slim, Glasses and Black Guy

Even after he moved on from the Lone Star State, Rickard held Texas firmly in his heart. So when a second New York hockey team was set up (the New York Americans predated the more well known team by one season), Rickard named them "Tex's Rangers" after, you guessed it, the Texas Rangers. So yeah, the New York Rangers are named after a police force from a completely different state. But they aren't the only seasoned New York team to have a geographically impaired name...

NEW YORK YANKEES

Get ready for some sweet, sweet irony. Back in the day (my new favorite sentence, apparently), "Yankee" was a term given to residents of the New England area who descended from the original British colonists. The term eventually became one for ALL Americans, regardless of geographic origin, but New-Englanders are "actual" Yankees, NOT New Yorkers. The term is far more appropriate for people who live in... Boston. Yep. Boston Yankees would be fair game. Maybe the Yankees could go back to one of their older names to make things better. Highlanders, perhaps?

"There can be only me."

HERE'S AN INTERESTING FACT... TOTAL GAME 7s IN STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS

Tonight, the Los Angeles Kings and Anaheim Ducks will square off to determine which team will go on to face the Chicago Blackhawks in the Western Conference Finals. It will be a Game 7, the most exciting of all games in any sport. Whenever a series goes to the maximum seven, you know that these teams are (usually) incredibly close in competitiveness and talent and thus, more fun to watch. Game 7s don't come around very often and should be appreciated when they do.

Which makes this year's Stanley Cup Playoffs so interesting- through the first two rounds and twelve different series, six have gone to seven games. If that sounds like a lot to you, you're right.

Since the 1987 postseason, all four rounds of the NHL playoffs have been best-of-seven contests (prior to that point, only the last three rounds were best-of-sevens, with the first round being a best-of-five), so that's 27 postseasons in the current format. Only six of those postseasons saw at least six series go to seven games. The record of seven has only happened twice- in 1994 and 2011.

That brings me to my point- could this be the year where the record for most Game 7s in a single postseason is broken?

The New York Rangers and Montreal Canadiens are locked into their Conference Finals match-up. Those teams seem pretty similar, so it's possible their series goes seven games. The Blackhawks are more likely to be taken to a Game 7 by the Kings, in my opinion. Regardless, two of the final three remaining series would have to go the distance for the record to be broken, and while that's possible, it's pretty improbable.

But the NHL has never been more balanced. The days where the first round featured awesome teams against truly crap teams is largely over. The Hartford Whalers and Winnipeg Jets teams of the early 80s that made obligatory playoff appearances only to get tossed quickly from the first round are things of the past. Just look at the match-ups in the first round this year:

Canadiens vs. Lightning
Blackhawks vs. Blues
Flyers vs. Rangers
Blue Jackets vs. Penguins
Bruins vs. Red Wings
Kings vs. Sharks
Avalanche vs. Wild
Ducks vs. Stars

The only series in that group where one team seemed outmatched on paper was the Blue Jackets/Penguins one. And while the Pens did win, it took six games. The Jackets didn't exactly embarrass themselves (and got the first two wins in the postseason in team history, so good for them). Only the Canadiens/Lightning series was a sweep.

That's not to say that some teams that make the playoffs are just plain better than others. The Lightning were flawed from the beginning after trading Martin St. Louis to the Rangers and with an unsettled goalie situation.
The best teams still seem to advance to the later rounds. The Blackhawks, while flawed, are an excellent team. The Canadiens and Rangers are scrappy and talented. The Kings are extremely physical and have Jonathan Quick, perhaps the best goalie in the game today. And the Ducks... well they're just a good team.

But no one knows how long it will take those great teams to advance. That's the beauty. A mismatch can turn into a six or seven game battle of wills. And that's damn fun.

NFL: BEST AND WORST FIRST ROUND SELECTIONS; 2002-2011

It's been a week since the NFL Draft, but I guess I still need to put out some more fluff in regards to the annual event. I went back through ten first rounds for all 32 teams where the draftees have at least three years experience in the pros (2011 at the earliest). Fittingly, that takes me to the Houston Texans' first draft in team history in 2002, so all 32 teams are equally represented. These are the players I believe were the best and worst picks these teams made in this window.

Arizona Cardinals

Best Pick: Larry Fitzgerald (WR, 3rd, 2003)

Since coming into the league in 2004, Fitzgerald has missed only four games, caught fewer than 70 passes just twice (and caught at least 90 five times) and has led the league in touchdowns twice (and caught at least 10 five times). The hall of fame seems like a perfectly reasonable outcome for him.

Honorable Mention: Patrick Peterson (CB, 5th, 2011)

He's only played three seasons so far yet he's not only one of the best cornerbacks in the league, but also one of the best punt returners. He's gone to the Pro Bowl every year of his career so far and has been named 1st Team All-Pro twice. Barring some unforeseen circumstance, a long, fruitful career is likely.

Worst Pick: Wendell Bryant (DT, 12th, 2002)

He spent just three seasons in the NFL and played in 29 games (starting only nine). Bryant's off-feild transgressions were more notable than his game on it. A game which netted just 29 solo tackles and 1.5 sacks. Yikes.

Atlanta Falcons

Best Pick: Matt Ryan (QB, 3rd, 2008)

Ryan is one of the better quarterbacks in the league with a career 63.7 completion percentage and 153 touchdowns to 77 interceptions. Ryan showed last year that he's capable of being really great without his two best receivers and a terrible offensive line, with his stats being only slightly worse than what they are normally. Best Falcons QB ever? Best Falcons QB ever.

Honorable Mention: Roddy White (WR, 27th, 2005)

Despite the fact that he's a total shit-head, White has been an excellent pro. He's caught 83 or more passes six times (leading the league in 2010) and is a little over 500 receiving yards away from joining the 10,000 yards club. Add in four Pro Bowls and a 1st Team All-Pro selection and White's done alright for himself. Now if he would just get off of Twitter...

Worst Pick: Peria Jerry (DT, 24th, 2009)

Jerry has been nothing short of a disappointment (although perfectly acceptable compared to GM Thomas Dimitroff's O-line/D-line draft outlook). He took four seasons before he became a starter. In five seasons, he's recorded a scant 5.5 sacks in his career. He doesn't exactly invoke the memory of John Randle.

Baltimore Ravens

Best Pick: Ed Reed (S, 24th, 2002)

It's pretty easy to pick the best Ravens first rounder when that player is in the top three all-time at his position. Reed is one of just ten players to intercept 60 or more passes and currently sits sixth all-time with 64. Not surprisingly, he's led the league in the category three times to go along with five 1st Team All-Pro selections. Polish that bust, won't you?

Honorable Mention: Haloti Ngata (DT, 12th, 2006)

Ngata has been one of the most dominant defensive tackles in the NFL in the last few years. Terrell Suggs would have been a good choice as well. Joe Flacco, too. The Ravens have done pretty well over the last decade or so.

Worst Pick: Kyle Boller (QB, 19th, 2003)

Boller personified the Ravens' early reputation for having no offense but a great defense. He threw 54 interceptions in his career to 48 touchdowns. He completed 60 percent of his passes just passes twice (one of those times consisted of him being a relief QB while Steve McNair actually started). Just a remarkably ineffective quarterback.

Buffalo Bills

Best Pick: Marcell Dareus (DT, 3rd, 2011)

Dareus has gotten better with each successive season. He recorded 7.5 sacks last year, pretty great for a DT. He's also got 103 solo tackles under his belt already, also great for a DT. Not much else to add. He's solid.

Honorable Mention: Lee Evans (WR, 13th, 2004)

Evans was a perfectly acceptable wide receiver. While he never made a Pro Bowl, he had two seasons where he gained more than 1,000 yards. He also caught 50 or more passes three times. While he was a good player and had a good career, it should tell you something about the quality of Buffalo's drafts in this period that Evans' is my honorable mention.

Worst Pick: John McCargo (DT, 26th, 2006)

McCargo just plain couldn't get on the field. In six year career where he could have played a maximum of 96 games, he played in only 44. He started one. And keep in mind, Aaron Maybin was picked in this window and even he wasn't as ineffective as McCargo.

Carolina Panthers

Best Pick: Julius Peppers (DE, 2nd, 2002)

One of the best pass rushers of his generation. Peppers recorded double-digit sacks in a season eight times and has put up 119 to this point (17th all-time). Eight Pro Bowls and three 1st Team All-Pro selections put the cherry on his awesome career.

Honorable Mention: Cam Newton (QB, 1st, 2011)

Newton has raised eyebrows with his legs, gaining 500 or more yards on the ground and scoring 28 touchdowns. But he's been consistently good with his arm as well. Newton has widened the gap between touchdowns and interceptions more and more with each successive season with a 64-42 TD/INT ratio.

Worst Pick: Jeff Otah (OT, 19th, 2008)

Otah got off to a good start in his first two seasons, but a knee injury in his third completely derailed his career. He only played four games after the 2009 season (all of which came in 2011) and never fully recovered enough to play in the NFL again.

Chicago Bears

Best Pick: Greg Olsen (TE, 31st, 2007)

A good tight end. Olsen was one of the few receiving bright spots for the Bears during his time in the Windy City. He wasn't bad at all, but like Lee Evans above, that Olsen is the best pick in a ten year period says way more about the Bears' misses than it does their hits.

Honorable Mention: Cedric Benson (RB, 4th, 2005)

Speaking of. Benson could have been considered as the worst pick on most other teams due to both his ineffectiveness and off-field transgressions. He turned into a decent player a couple years after he was dumped by the Bears, but he wasn't the worst pick the Bears made in this period.

Worst Pick: Michael Haynes (DE, 14th, 2003)

Haynes was so bad that the Bears' misfires at offensive line are utterly eclipsed. For a team renowned for its defensive history, Haynes was a blemish. He recorded 5.5 sacks in three seasons and started just four games, even though the Bears thought he was better than 248 other players. They were wrong.

Cincinnati Bengals

Best Pick: A.J. Green (WR, 4th, 2011)

Green is already one of the best receivers in the league, gaining 1,000 or more yards in all three seasons so far. 29 touchdowns and 260 catches are pretty good, too, as are three Pro Bowls to start a career.

Honorable Mention: Carson Palmer (QB, 1st, 2003)

Before he got hurt, he was one of the better quarterbacks in the league. Went to the Pro Bowl twice early in his career and led the league in completion percentage (67.8) and touchdowns (32) in 2005. While he was still good after his knee injury, he was never the same, but a good player nonetheless.

Worst Pick: David Pollack (LB, 17th, 2005)

Pollack had a meh rookie season and then hurt his vertebrae the next year, ending his career before it could really begin.

Cleveland Browns

Best Pick: Joe Thomas (OT, 3rd, 2007)

He's one of the best offensive tackles in the league, which more than makes up for the fact that he's played for largely terrible teams. He hasn't missed a single game and has been selected to four 1st Team All-Pro lists.

Honorable Mention: Joe Haden (CB, 7th, 2010)

A great young corner who's hauled in 13 interceptions and deflected 67 passes in the past four years.

Worst Pick: Brady Quinn (QB, 22nd, 2007)

Ironically, the same first round the Browns selected their best player in this window, they also selected their worst. After not being good enough to usurp Derek Anderson in his rookie year, Quinn pretty much validated his draft day slide by playing terribly every season after that.

Dallas Cowboys

Best Pick: DeMarcus Ware (LB, 11th, 2005)

Sack machine future hall of famer. One of the best pass rushers of the new millennium.

Honorable Mention: Roy Williams (S, 8th, 2002)

Not the wide receiver. The good Roy Williams. This Williams went to five straight Pro Bowls and was 1st Team All-Pro in 2003. The other Roy Williams had his best years as a member of the Detroit Lions (there's a rare sentence).

Worst Pick: Bobby Carpenter (LB, 18th, 2006)

Carpenter started a whopping three games as a Cowboy and recorded 3.5 sacks. He didn't even record 100 tackles in his career (he got 96 by 2012, the last time he played).

Denver Broncos

Best Pick: Von Miller (LB, 2nd, 2011)

Miller went nuts recording 30 sacks in his first two seasons, tying with Derrick Thomas for the third most all-time after two seasons. While he had an off year last year (thanks to a combination of PED suspension and injury at the beginning and end of the season, respectively, with a meh middle), there's little doubt he'll be good again going forward.

Honorable Mention: Ryan Clady (OT, 12th, 2008)

Clady had been very durable before tearing his ACL this year. Prior to last season, Caldy didn't miss a game. He's also gone to three Pro Bowls and made two 1st Team All-Pro lists.

Worst Pick: Jarvis Moss (DE, 17th, 2007)

Moss started just two games in his career, never recording more than 2.5 sacks in a season and recording 6 overall.

Detroit Lions

Best Pick: Calvin Johnson (WR, 2nd, 2007)

One of the few Matt Millen picks that went on to do anything. Johnson is an absolute beast, either being the best or one of the best wide receivers in the NFL. Unless something goes terribly wrong, he'll go in the hall of fame.

Honorable Mention: Ndamukong Suh (DT, 2nd, 2010)

Despite his dirty reputation, Suh is probably the best defensive tackle in football right now. He's made three Pro Bowls and two 1st Team All-Pro lists, while recording very un-DT-like 10 and 8 sacks in the past.

Worst Pick: Charles Rogers (WR, 2nd, 2003)

Perhaps the most remarkable thing about Rogers is that despite the litany of God-awful draft picks Matt Millen made in his tenure as Lions president, this one is still the shittiest by a wide margin. Rogers was fragile, volatile and basically a giant fuck-up. Mike Williams wasn't even as bad as Rogers. And Mike Williams was horrible.

Green Bay Packers

Best Pick: Aaron Rodgers (QB, 24th, 2005)

He's probably the best quarterback in the game when healthy, so yeah, I think they made out alright.

Honorable Mention: Clay Matthews III (LB, 26th, 2009)

Matthews has been a great pass rusher, notching double digits three times. He's made four Pro Bowls and one 1st Team All-Pro list. If nothing else, he's better than his dad.

Worst Pick: Justin Harrell

Harrell was snake-bitten by injuries, limiting to a three year career over four years. He played in 14 games and started two.

Houston Texans

Best Pick: Andre Johnson (WR, 3rd, 2003)

The best player in the Texans' young history, Johnson has had a remarkable career to date. He's lead the league twice in both receiving yards and receptions, and lead in yards per game three times. He's one of just 17 receivers in history to gain more than 12,500 yards (he's 17th all-time). Another receiver that's likely Canton bound.

Honorable Mention: J.J. Watt (DE, 11th, 2011)

I read an article on NFL.com that implied that Watt is already well on his way to a hall of fame career. That might be a bit presumptuous after just three seasons, but not by much. He damn near broke Michael Strahan's single season sack record in 2012 and has 36.5 so far. He's also defended 27 passes since coming into the league (he's a defensive lineman in case you were wondering). J.J. Swat indeed.

Worst Pick: Amobi Okoye (DT, 10th, 2007)

Not a great run on defensive tackles. Okoye was definitely better than other DTs on this list. Maybe I should've gone with Kareem Jackson or David Carr. Eh. Who knows?

Indianapolis Colts

Best Pick: Dwight Freeny (DE, 11th, 2003)

One of the best defensive players on the great Peyton Manning led Colts teams, Freeny is one of thirty players to record over 100 sacks in his career. His 108 rank 22nd all-time. Considering how middling most of the rest of the Colts defense was during this period (and still is, frankly), this pick is especially great.

Honorable Mention: Dallas Clark (TE, 24th, 2003)

A good tight end and a reliable target for Peyton Manning, Clark caught double digit touchdowns twice and caught 50 or more passes three times.

Worst Pick: Anthony Gonzalez (WR, 32nd, 2007)

This was at the point where Bill Polian was drafting scrub receivers to see if Peyton Manning could turn them into Pro Bowl caliber players. At least that's what I assume the mindset was behind this pick. At any rate, Manning couldn't work his magic on this dud.

Jacksonville Jaguars

Best Pick: Marcedes Lewis (TE, 28th, 2006)

A capable tight end, Lewis did what few could as a Jaguar, be a capable player. Lewis isn't spectacular, but for a Jaguar, you could do a lot worse (and they did).

Honorable Mention: Eugene Monroe (OT, 8th, 2009)

Monroe is a good tackle. Stellar analysis, that.

Worst Pick: Blaine Gabbert (QB, 10th, 2011)

2011 was the year of overdrafting quarterbacks and Gabbert was the worst of them all. Gabbert is stunningly bad for a modern quarterback, throwing one touchdown to seven interceptions with a 48.3 (!) completion percentage in 2013.

Kansas City Chiefs

Best Pick: Tamba Hali (DE/LB, 20th, 2006)

Hali got off to a respectable start, but beginning in 2010 he became one of the better pass rushers in the game after switching from the defensive line to a linebacker. He's recorded double-digit sacks three times in four seasons including notching a career high 14.5 in 2010.

Honorable Mention: Dwayne Bowe (WR, 23rd, 2007)

For a little perspective, here are some of the quarterbacks Dwayne Bowe has caught passes from in his career- Damon Huard, Brodie Croyle, Tyler Thigpen, Matt Cassel, Tyler Palko, Kyle Orton, Brady Quinn (!) and Alex Smith. With the exception of Smith (and Cassel and Orton in small doses), all of these quarterbacks were terrible. Despite that, Bowe has only once failed to catch at least 50 passes and has caught 70 or more four times. He's also hauled in 44 touchdowns in his career. Not bad considering the contexts.

Worst Pick: Jon Baldwin (WR, 26th, 2011)

What kind of dick would get into a fight with Thomas Jones? Jon Baldwin, that's who! In addition to being an insufferable douche, Baldwin's also a terrible player, catching just 44 passes and two touchdowns in three seasons.

Miami Dolphins

Best Pick: Jake Long (OT, 1st, 2008)

Long was one of the best offensive lineman in the game until injuries made him merely good. But Long is still an effective tackle and provides a leadership role in the trenches. He went to four straight Pro Bowls to begin his career and made the 1st Team All-Pro list in 2010.

Honorable Mention: Mike Pouncey (C, 15th, 2011)

Pouncey is most definitely a moron, but he is a great center. He's missed only two games so far in his career and made the Pro Bowl for the first time last year.

Worst Pick: Jason Allen (DB, 16th, 2006)

Allen's time in Miami was ineffective, starting just 19 games in four-and-a-half seasons. While he seemed to do better as a bench player latter in his career with the Texans, he still washed out and hasn't played since 2012 (where he only played in four games).

Minnesota Vikings

Best Pick: Adrian Peterson (RB, 7th, 2007)

League MVP, offensive rookie of the year, a 2,000 yard rushing season, three time 1st Team All-Pro selection, six Pro Bowls and easily the best running back in Vikings history. No more need be said.

Honorable Mention: Kevin Williams (DT, 9th, 2003)

One of the best DTs over the last decade-and-a-half. He raked up 22 sacks (!) in his first two seasons and was 1st Team All-Pro five times (!!!). Another Viking that should get hall of fame consideration when it's all said and done.

Worst Pick: Troy Williamson (WR, 7th, 2005)

One of the biggest busts ever and refreshingly, not because of off-field transgressions, but for being spectacularly bad at his job. It's always tragic when someone is diagnosed with the dropsees.

New England Patriots

Best Pick: Vince Wilfork (DT, 21st, 2004)

One of the few truly great defensive players on the Pats post-near-perfect season. Until this past season, Wilfork was remarkably durable for a defensive tackle, missing only six games in the first nine years of his career. He's been just a wall of a player and should get hall of fame consideration in a just world.

Honorable Mention: Logan Mankins (OG, 32nd, 2005)

Mankins is definitely one of the best guards in the game, going to six Pro Bowls and making one 1st Team All-Pro list. He's only missed 14 games in his career to this point and started every game he's played in.

Worst Pick: Laurence Maroney (RB, 21st, 2006)

He gained just 2,504 yards in a career marked by injury and ineffectiveness (though he did play well in the 2007 postseason).

New Orleans Saints

Best Pick: Will Smith (DE, 18th, 2004)

A good pass rusher for the Saints, Smith accumulated 67.5 sacks in his decade long career in the bayou. Also, he's from my neck of the woods, which is pretty cool.

Honorable Mention: Sedrick Ellis (DT, 7th, 2008)

A perfectly fine DT who retired young. Ellis wasn't special, but he was solid.

Worst Pick: Johnathan Sullivan (DT, 6th, 2003)

Sullivan flamed out quickly, lasting only three seasons where he only started four games after his rookie year (all of them in 2004). He also notched 1.5 sacks in his career.

New York Giants

Best Pick: Jeremy Shockey (TE, 14th, 2002)

Shockey was great in the first half of his career, particularly his rookie season when he was 1st Team All-Pro. He also made four Pro Bowls and caught 371 passes in his Giants career. Although, Shockey apparently wanted way more than that.

Honorable Mention: Hakeem Nicks (WR, 29th, 2009)

Nicks caught more than 50 passes four times in five seasons and hauled in 27 TDs.

Worst Pick: William Joseph (DT, 25th, 2003)

Here's a shock- Joseph's career was derailed by injury and ineffectiveness. I know! Right?

New York Jets

Best Pick: Nick Mangold (C, 29th, 2006)

One of the best centers in football. Mangold has only missed two games at this point in his career and has twice been named 1st Team All-Pro to go along with five Pro Bowl selections.

Honorable Mention: Darrell Revis (CB, 14th, 2007)

He'd be the best if he was still on the team. Revis is one of the primer cornerbacks in the league today, but he was obscenely good earlier in his career. He was named 1st Team All-Pro three straight times and went to five Pro Bowls. There was also a period where he had the Nnamdi factor, where opposing teams just flat out wouldn't throw to his side of the field. Revis Island indeed!

Worst Pick: Vernon Gholston (DE, 6th, 2008)

One of the biggest busts ever. Gholston played three seasons and recorded no sacks. That's not hyperbole. He literally didn't have a single sack (or in other words, he didn't beef the stat he was specifically drafted for). And keep in mind, he played for Rex Ryan for most of his career. Ryan got Aaron Maybin to six sacks. Take that into account when thinking about Gholston.

Oakland Raiders

Best Pick: Nnamdi Asomugha (CB, 31st, 2003)

The only legitimately good player drafted by the Raiders in this window. Asomugha, as I mentioned in Darrell Revis' section, had a factor that I (and maybe some other people) named after him. Opposing teams just didn't throw to his side of the field. That seemed to work out okay since the Raiders' opponents had a 91-37 record during Nnamdi's stay in the bay area. But he was a good player nonetheless.

Honorable Mention: Robert Gallery (OT/OG, 2nd, 2004)

Considering that Gallery is seen as a bit of a bust and he's an honorable mention, that should tell you how Al Davis' last ten first rounds went. Gallery was an abject failure as a tackle but turned into a serviceable guard. So even though he was a disappointing player, he at least turned into something somewhat resembling a fine player. Which is more that can be said of most other recent Raiders first rounders (alliteration!).

Worst Pick: JaMarcus Russell (QB, 1st, 2007)

After Ryan Leaf and before Blaine Gabbert, there was JaMarcus Raussell. Probably the worst number one overall pick in modern NFL history, Russell started just 25 games and posting beyond pedestrian numbers like a career 52.1 completion percentage and an 18/23 TD to INT ratio. Also, three-seasons-and-done put him firmly in bust territory.

Philadelphia Eagles

Best Pick: Lito Sheppard (CB, 26th, 2002)

A good cornerback. Sheppard was mostly a fine player but was excellent in 2004, intercepting 5 passes, taking two of them back for touchdowns and recorded a career high 52 solo tackles. He made two Pro Bowls and one 1st Team All-Pro list. Nothing to sneeze at.

Honorable Mention: Jeremy Maclin (WR, 19th, 2009)

Maclin was a fine receiver before his injury. Who knows if he will continue to be good this year on. But as for the past, he never caught fewer than 56 receptions and caught 26 touchdowns in his career. Good stuff.

Worst Pick: Jerome McDougle (DE, 15th, 2003)

Injuries? Check. Mediocre at best play? Check. 3 sacks in three seasons in Philly? No good.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Best Pick: Troy Polamalu (S, 16th, 2003)

The second best safety of his era behind Ed Reed. Polamalu isn't an interception machine like Reed, but Polamalu makes up for it with his physical play. Much has been made about Polumalu being brought up to the line of scrimmage to try and cause pressure that way. So a different kind of safety, but definitely one likely headed for Canton.

Honorable Mention: Ben Roethlisberger (QB, 11th, 2004)

Roethlisberger has quietly been one of the best quarterbacks in the league for years. Since 2009, Roethlisberger hasn't had a completion percentage below 61.7, hasn't thrown fewer than 17 touchdowns or thrown more than 14 interceptions in a single season. Undeniably underrated as a player with only two Pro Bowl selections.

Worst Pick: Ziggy Hood (DE, 32nd, 2009)

Yeah, I'm going here. Hood doesn't get sacks, doesn't get tackles, doesn't deflect passes, doesn't intercept passes, force fumbles, or anything else I can think would show up on a stat sheet for a defensive player. Maybe he does stuff that allows other players to get numbers, but somehow I doubt that.

San Diego Chargers

Best Pick: Antonio Cromartie (CB, 19th, 2006)

A consistent interceptor, he usually gets at least two or at most four. He had ten in 2007, his second season. He's gone to the Pro Bowl three times and made one 1st Team All-Pro list.

Honorable Mention: Quentin Jammer (CB, 5th, 2002)

A consistent, durable, if not spectacular corner. Jammer was a solid starter in San Diego for over a decade- that goes a long way in the NFL.

Worst Pick: Larry English (DE, 16th, 2009)

Disappointing linebacker. English has only 11 sacks in five seasons and has never had more than 3 in a single campaign. He's been mostly a reserve player, only starting nine games in his career.

San Francisco 49ers

Best Pick: Patrick Willis (LB, 11th, 2007)

The Ray Lewis of the NFC. Willis has gone to the Pro Bowl every year of his career and has made a staggering five 1st Team All-Pro lists. He's made 100 or more solo tackles five times. AND he's made 20.5 sacks, which is great for an inside linebacker. Another likely hall of famer on this list.

Honorable Mention: Vernon Davis (TE, 6th, 2006)

A great tight end. Davis has caught more than 50 passes five times and has caught at least five touchdowns since 2009, including two 13 TD campaigns (he led the league in receiving touchdowns in 2009). Two Pro Bowl selections round out his career.

Worst Pick: Rashaun Woods (WR, 31st, 2004)

Get this- Woods caught seven passes in his rookie season and then never played again in the NFL. If that doesn't say "bust," I don't know what does.

Seattle Seahawks

Best Pick: Earl Thomas (S, 14th, 2010)

One of the cornerstones of the great Seattle secondary. Thomas has gone to three Pro Bowls and has thrice been named 1st Team All-Pro. He can tackle, he can pick off passes, he can force fumbles. He can flat out ball.

Honorable Mention: Marcus Trufant (CB, 11th, 2003)

One of the best defensive players on the Seahawks teams of the 00s. Trufant was a solid corner, Quentin Jammer-esque if you will. He only made one Pro Bowl, but had a good career regardless.

Worst Pick: Aaron Curry (LB, 4th, 2009)

One of the biggest busts in the last few years. Curry only lasted about two-and-a-half seasons in Seattle despite being in the top 5. He had only 5.5 sacks in his career and didn't do much else. Just bad.

St. Louis Rams

Best Pick: Steven Jackson (RB, 24th, 2004)

Jackson rushed for 1,000+ in eight straight seasons. He's run in 62 touchdowns, led the league in yards from scrimmage in 2006 and went to three Pro Bowls. Pretty good for the guy who replaced Marshall Faulk.

Honorable Mention: Sam Bradford (QB, 1st, 2010)

Bradford has been pretty good since coming into the league and was actually having the best season of his career last year before he got hurt. QB isn't a problem in St. Louis.

Worst Pick: Jason Smith (OT, 2nd, 2009)

A colossal bust, Smith is the face of crappy Rams drafts of yesteryear.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Best Pick: Gerald McCoy (DT, 3rd, 2010)

It took until his third season, but McCoy has become one of the best DTs in the game. Comparisons to Warren Sapp are inevitable and to McCoy's credit, they're not completely absurd. While McCoy is raking up sacks to Sappian levels, he's still capable getting a lot for a DT with nine last year. Two Pro Bowls and a 1st Team All-Pro selection shine a light on a very promising career.

Honorable Mention: Davin Joseph (OG, 23rd, 2006)

A consistent guard. Joseph is just... really solid. Look, I've done more than 80 of these already. I'm running out of things to say.

Worst Pick: Michael Clayton (WR, 15th, 2004)

Clayton had a great rookie season where he caught 80 passes for 1,193 yards and seven touchdowns. All of those were career highs. He never caught more than 38 passes, gained more than 484 yards or hauled in more than one touchdown for the rest of his time in Tampa.

Tennessee Titans

Best Pick: Michael Griffin (S, 19th, 2007)

Griffin has been a great safety for the Titans, rarely missing games getting picks. He's a sure tackler as well.

Honorable Mention: Chris Johnson (RB, 24th, 2008)

A 2,000 yard rusher and far and away the most scattershot of all former 2,000 yard rushers. Johnson has been fine, but not great. Still, he's okay. But mostly he's meh. Totally acceptably banal.

Worst Pick: Andre Woolfolk (DB, 28th, 2003)

He played four seasons and had three interceptions. Oh, and he only started 12 games.

Washington Redskins

Best Pick: Brian Orakpo (LB, 13th, 2009)

A great player and sack machine in training. When he's been healthy, Orakpo has never had less than 8.5 sacks. He's made three Pro Bowls as well.

Honorable Mention: Sean Taylor (S, 5th, 2004)

Taylor was a physical threat and a great defender, able to deflect passes and pick them off. If not for his senseless murder, he likely would have gone on to be one of the best safeties of his era.

Worst Pick: Patrick Ramsey (QB, 32nd, 2002)

Y'know, he was not a very good NFL quarterback.

***

And that'll do it. Whenever I get an idea for an article, I think it'll be simple and then it takes forever to write. I gotta quit doing that all the time.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF... THE BOSTON RED SOX

Okay, so I've been horrible with the whole "writing a blog" thing lately (aside from the article from yesterday). And seeing as how the home stretch of my semester will see me doing a bunch of really involved projects and papers, that's probably going to continue. That's drastically cut into my sports viewing (I've seen a grand total of two Mets games so far this year, though I picked a good one to watch).

So I should probably be working. But instead, I'm writing a profile on the defending World Series champions, the Boston Red Sox. Because I have terribly skewed priorities.

Starting Up: The Red Sox were a charter member of the American League, taking to the diamond in 1901 along with seven other teams (the modern-day Orioles, White Sox, Indians, Tigers, Twins, Yankees and Athletics). The AL's founder, Ban Johnson, specifically placed franchises in Philadelphia and Boston to compete with the already-present National League teams there.

The team was originally known as the Americans, but eventually changed its name to Red Sox. The Braves (then in Boston) had been known as the Red Stockings at the time of their founding in the mid-1870s, but had stopped wearing the red socks by the early 1900s. So John Taylor, owner of the Americans at the time, changed the team's name to Red Stockings, which was then shortened by local sports writers to Red Sox so the team's name would actually fit in the headlines.

Aside from the name, Taylor's biggest contribution to the team was buying the land on which Fenway Park would eventually be built. The stadium was opened in 1912 and is still being used today, making it the oldest park in the Major Leagues, predating the Cubs' Wrigley Field by two years.

Greatest Runs

The First Great AL Team (1901-1904): Right out of the gate, the Red Sox (then the Americans) established themselves as one of the great teams in the American League. They won 60.5% of their games in the first four seasons in team history (best in the AL in this stretch and second in baseball behind the Pittsburgh Pirates) and won two straight pennants in 1903 and 1904. The Americans won the first ever World Series in 1903, beating the Pittsburgh Pirates.

There was no World Series in 1904 because John McGraw, manager of the NL pennant winning New York Giants, actively refused to have his team face the Americans. Granted, it was mainly to stick it to AL president Ban Johnson, but that kind of gives credence to the perception that the Giants knew they were going to get their asses kicked and ran the hell away from that likely fate as fast as they could.

The 1910s Dynasty (1912-1918): In terms of pennants and world championships, this is the most successful period in team history. While they were little brothered a bit by the also dominant Philadelphia Athletics in the first half of the decade (though the Red Sox DID win a World Series in between the A's four pennants), once the A's went into free fall, the Red Sox were almost unbeatable.

They only finished lower than second once in seven seasons from 1912 to 1918 and won three World Series in four years from 1915 to 1918. A major contributor to these teams was a pitcher and occasional position player named George Herman. The Red Sox went into drought mode after this, but for these years they were an honest to God dynasty.

Ted Williams Is Awesome (1946-1951): After Ted Williams returned from serving in World War II, he apparently made it a point to prove he was the most awesome guy who ever baseballed ever. Williams' Baseball Reference page during this period is just a wall of bold numbers. He won two batting titles, two MVPs and led the league in OBP and SLG pretty much every year.

In addition to Williams' dominance, the Red Sox as a team were a powerhouse. In this six season stretch, only the Yankees had more wins in baseball. The Red Sox won 104 games on route to winning the 1946 AL pennant (they lost to the St. Louis Cardinals in a tough seven-game series). After this season, they never finished lower than third in the AL until 1952.

Close, But No Cigar (1971-1979): The Red Sox of this era never finished lower than third, so yeah they were a pretty good team. This culminated in 1975 when they won their first division title (after 1968 there were East and West divisions in both leagues). They swept the defending three-time champion Oakland Athletics in three games and pushed the Big Red Machine Cincinnati Reds to seven games.

While the Sox didn't win, they hardly embarrassed themselves. And for a team supposedly under a curse, they were pretty dominant in this era, winning more games than any other AL team besides the Baltimore Orioles.

No More "Curse" (2003-2009): The Red Sox were primed to make a huge run starting in 2003 with the team filled with great pitching, great offense and best of all, young talented players. And they almost did... until Game 7 of the ALCS when Grady Little left Pedro Martinez in way too long against the hated Yankees, which made the ensuing loss that much worse.

Little was fired after that gaffe and was replaced by Terry Francona. The Red Sox were in the same situation later that year in the ALCS, once again facing the Yankees. After digging themselves a 3-0 hole, the Red Sox made history by becoming the first team in Major League history to start a seven-game series 0-3 and winning the next four consecutive games, securing their first pennant since 1986. In contrast to the back and forth affair of the ALCS, the Red Sox beat the Cardinals' asses in the World Series with a four-game sweep, finally winning another World Series after an 86 year drought. Fittingly, the team that won the first ever World Series won the 100th one as well.

From 2003 to 2009, the Red Sox made the playoffs six times, got to the ALCS four times and went to two World Series, winning both. After so many years of heartbreak and suffering as also-rans, they were one of the best teams of the 2000s.

Leanest Years

Ban Johnson Curses the Team (1920-1932): Red Sox owner Harry Frazee sold Babe Ruth to the then-hapless New York Yankees in 1920, which forever changed the fortunes of both teams. The Yankees went on to win four World Series during Ruth's tenure with the team while the Red Sox collapsed, finishing in last place nine times in eleven seasons from 1922 to 1932. Contributing to Boston's hard luck, they sold damn near all of their best players to the Yankees during this time. For many years, people blamed this run of horrible decisions on Frazee, but it wasn't entirely his fault. It was American League president Ban Johnson.

Frazee bought the team without getting permission from Johnson, the first owner to do that at the time. Because of that little oversight, Johnson almost immediately went out of his way to make things difficult for Frazee. He prohibited Frazee from making deals with almost all of the American League teams (the "Loyal Five" as they were dubbed, the Indians, Tigers, Philadelphia Athletics, St. Louis Browns and Washington Senators, were strong armed by Johnson not to accept anything the Red Sox offered). Frazee could only do business with either the Yankees or the White Sox. And with the dark cloud of the Black Sox scandal hovering over the White Sox, the Yankees were the only viable option as far as trading partners were concerned.

So when Frazee got fed up dealing with Ruth's bullshit (Ruth would go on all-night benders and skipped the last few games of 1919 season as just two examples of his dickery), off to the pinstripes he went.

But there was another, more insidious reason for Johnson's campaign of pettiness- antisemitism.

Because Frazee was from New York and worked closely in the theatre, Johnson erroneously believed Frazee was a Jew (he was actually a Presbyterian). Johnson being a man of his time and a dick even by those lofty standards, wanted to keep baseball as white and Christian as possible. Johnson's campaign against Frazee combined with several incendiary articles written about Frazee in Henry Ford's hate-spewing newspaper, the Dearborn Independent, greatly contributed to public backlash against Frazee and the team. Attendance dropped dramatically and the team was nearly bankrupted, another reason Frazee accepted the Yankees' offer for Ruth (they gave him a shit-load of money).

So yeah, the "curse of the Bambino" was born out of Ban Johnson wanting to prove he was the big swinging dick around the AL parts and to rid baseball of Jews. In case you were wondering, no, the world was not a good place to live 90+ years ago.

World War II (1943-1945): Ted Williams enlisted in the military to serve our country and to blow the hell out of the Axis powers (possibly in that order) before the 1943 season. As such, he and numerous other major leaguers making the same commitment couldn't play baseball. Obviously, the stuff going on in Europe and Asia was far more significant, but in the bubble of escapist pleasure, the Red Sox during this three year period largely struggled, finishing in seventh place twice.

Losers Only (1956-1966): Aside from an aging Ted Williams and later on, a young Carl Yastrzemski, this period of the Red Sox was a bad one where they mired in mediocrity. Not helping the team was the fact that they weren't signing any black players. This despite the fact that 13 of the 16 teams had integrated by this point. The Red Sox held firm, not signing a black player until 1959. They were the last team to integrate.

This decision came straight from the top it seems. As documented in many different sources, longtime owner Tom Yawkey (and member of the baseball hall of fame because why wouldn't he be?) was an unapologetic racist. He actually believed that black players were not talented enough to play for his team. A team that finished at least ten games out of first place for over 15 years. And despite the absurd logic of that statement, Yawkey apparently decided to sign some really shitty white players to combat those untalented Negros and their teams with lax standards.

To the family's credit, Yawkey's wife Jean donated a great deal of money to African American charities and organizations and tried to rid the team of its lingering racist past when she took over after Tom's death. But Tom Yawkey himself was a contemptible person and hurt the team and frankly, the city of Boston and baseball because of his bigotry.

You Should Probably Win In the Playoffs (1987-1994): After the Red Sox lost the 1986 World Series to the Mets, their fortunes began to trend downward. While there were still players who individually had good or great seasons, the team itself struggled.

The team made the playoffs in 1988 and 1990, but were swept each time, a team record for futility in the playoffs. And those were the good teams in this run. Most years, they were so irrelevant that even thinking about sucking in the playoffs would have been out of line. The Red Sox were decisively middle of the road as a team, completely overshadowed by the A's, Blue Jays and many other AL clubs.

Bobby Valentine Is An Asshole No One Likes (2011-2012): The Red Sox were doing well going into September 2011, but injuries and ineffectiveness combined to cause one of the biggest collapses in baseball history. According to people far smarter than I am, the Red Sox on September 4th had a 99.74 percent chance of making the playoffs. Or in other words, there was a bit over a quarter of one percent chance that they would miss the playoffs. And yet, improbably, it happened.

Terry Francona took the fall for that disaster amid rumblings that the players brought beer and fried chicken into the clubhouse. General manager Theo Espien also left to take over the Cubs, because he has an undying hatred for himself. To counteract a clubhouse in disarray, the team hired noted disciplinarian Bobby Valentine away from his job of spouting nonsense on ESPN to get the team back in line. And then it got worse.

Players came to dislike Valentine due to the fact that he began throwing them under the bus almost immediately. He questioned veteran Kevin Youkilis' hustle on April 16th. Ten games in! Ten! That's just one instance of things going wrong. There were more. Many more. Here's a helpful list.

The result was a 69-93 record and a last place finish. It was the first time since 1966 that they lost 90 games or more. They hadn't been a last place team since 1992. Naturally, Valentine was fired after the season. It was a hire that never should have been made in the first place and Valentine's tenure was maddeningly similar to his previous managerial stints.

Of course the Red Sox had the last laugh. One year removed from Valentine's firing, the team that Valentine bitched and moaned about for six months won the World Series. Irony- she be a cruel bitch.

Names You Should Know

Quick Note: Babe Ruth isn't on this list. While Ruth was a great player for the team and a major contributor to three of their four championships in the 1910s, Ruth is better known for leaving the Red Sox for the Yankees than for actually playing for the Red Sox. There are other players/managers of great importance in Red Sox history other than Ruth, so lets get to them.

Cy Young: One of the greatest pitchers in history and a member of the first ever Red Sox team. Young was an established veteran by the time he joined the Americans, but still had a lot of stuff left in him. His first season on the team, he led the majors with a 1.26 ERA (he had a career 2.00 ERA as a Red Sock, second only to Smokey Joe Wood). Young led the majors or the AL three times in wins and his 192 as a Red Sock are tied for the most in team history. He also pitched the only perfect game in team history on May 5th, 1904.

In addition to all that, Young has the distinct honor of throwing the first pitch in World Series history. Oh and in case you haven't heard, he was a good enough pitcher for an award to be named after him later. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1937.

Tris Speaker: A great player in the Red Sox's early history. Speaker was a great hitter both in volume and in average. He is in the top ten all-time in both batting average (6th, .3447) and hits (5th, 3,514). While he spent more time with the Cleveland Indians, he started off in Boston and began to apply his craft there and won the first MVP award in team history. Oh, and he was openly a member of the Ku Klux Klan. The early twentieth century, everybody! Speaker was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1937.

Joe Cronin: The winningest manager in Red Sox history, accumulateing 1,071 wins in 13 seasons. Cronin was a player/manager, going to five All-Star games as team skipper. Cronin also hit a clean .300 in his eleven years as a Red Sox player. Cronin had the distinction of breaking the Red Sox's streak of being completely awful, securing their first winning season since 1918 in his first in 1935. Once he retired as a player, he managed the team to its first pennant since 1918 in 1946. Cronin's number 4 jersey was retired by the team (he and Ted Williams were the first people to receive that honor). Cronin was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame as a player in 1956.

Bobby Doerr: A career Red Sox player, spending 14 seasons with the team. Doerr was a perennial All-Star, going to nine games in his career. He was a solid hitter, smacking more than 200 home runs and also hitting .288 in his career. While he wasn't the type of player that typically led leagues in stats or got to the pretty round numbers, he was still a solid player and he did lead the AL in slugging percentage in 1944. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1986 through the veteran's committee and his number 1 was retired by the team.

Perhaps the most remarkable thing about Doerr is that as of this writing, he's still alive at the ripe age of 96. He was at the 100th anniversary celebration of Fenway Park in 2012, being the oldest person in attendance. He's also the only living player who played in the 1930s.

Ted Williams: Teddy Ballgame! Perhaps the best hitter in baseball history, Williams spent his entire career with the Red Sox, smacking the shit out of balls all the while. He was the last player to hit over .400 in a season. On the last day of the 1941 season (my negative 50th birthday, coincidentally), the Red Sox were scheduled for a double-header against the Philadelphia Athletics and Williams had a .3995 batting average going in, which would have been rounded up to .400 had Williams not played. He played. And killed it in both games to the point that Williams' final average for the year was .406.

Williams famously served our country in World War II. Despite the government effectively saying he didn't have to enlist, Williams did anyway and missed three seasons in the process. A few years later the Korean War broke out and Williams went and fought in a SECOND war during his career, leaving for the Korean front for much of the 1952 and 1953 seasons. As a nifty little trivia note, Williams served as John Glenn's wingman during his tour of Korea.

Williams is the only Red Sox player to win multiple MVPs (he won two) and one of two players to win more than one triple crown (where a player leads the majors in batting average, runs batted in and home runs). He also got a TON of walks which skyrocketed his OBP (he is the career leader in the stat with an unreal .482). While he only went to one World Series, Williams was still unbelievably successful and loved by fans despite his sometimes moody nature. And in perfect fashion, he hit a home run on the final at-bat of his career in 1960 at the age of 41, causing all of Boston to piss its collective pants. Williams' number 9 was the first number retired by the team along with Joe Cronin.

In one final moment of awesome, when Williams was inducted into the hall of fame in 1966, he specifically called out the induction committee by basically saying "Y'know, there were some pretty great players in the Negro Leagues, you guys should probably get off your asses and put some in here already." Satchel Paige and Josh Gibson, the two players Williams mentioned in his speech, were inducted within a decade of his remarks.

Basically, Ted Williams was fucking awesome.

Carl Yastrzemski: So Ted Williams just retired, who do you put in left field to replace him? How about another hall of famer? Enter a then 21 year old Carl Yastrzemski, who wound up playing 23 seasons in the majors, all with the Red Sox. While not as good of a hitter as Williams (who was, really?), Yaz was still damn good, winning four batting titles. In addition to being a great player combined with the fact that he played for a million years for one team, Yaz naturally is at the top or near the top of most statistical categories in Red Sox history, including hits, games played and runs, among others. He was also the last player to win the triple crown (he won it in 1967 and won the AL MVP to boot) until Miguel Cabrera did in 2012. Also, Yaz was teammates with Sam Malone.

And for those of you paying attention, not counting Ted Williams' military service, the Red Sox had a hall of famer in left field for 45 consecutive seasons. And people were impressed with the Joe Montana/Steve Young connection in San Francisco. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1989, his first year of eligibility and his number 8 was retired by the team.

Carlton Fisk: The first Pudge! Fisk was one of the greatest catchers in history, certainly one of the most durable as he was catching well past his 40th birthday (he also belted 72 homers from age 40 on, the most ever for someone that old). Fisk also has the honor of being the first unanimous winner of the AL Rookie of the Year Award.

Perhaps his most enduring mark on baseball was admiring his game winning home run in the 1975 World Series. Fisk's "stay in" motion and ensuing celebration are now iconic images and changed the way baseball was covered on TV (back in the day, when a player hit a home run, cameras stayed on the flying ball and not on the player, but Fisk's animated reaction changed that). And amazingly, this was all a result of a rat getting near the cameraman. Fisk was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 2000 and his number 27 was retired by the team.

Luis Tiant: El Tiante! Luis Tiant played for a million years for a million different teams, but he had his longest stay with the Red Sox, pitching for Beantown for eight seasons in the 70s. While his best years came as a member of the Cleveland Indians, Tiant was still really good as a Red Sock and lead the majors with a 1.91 ERA in 1972. Oh, and he was awesome during the 1975 postseason, striking out 20 batters in four games, winning three of them.

Tiant was also in a beer commercial on Cheers in the first season (by the way, there's going to be A LOT of Cheers references in this article), but I can't find a video link to that scene. So just watch the episode (Now Pitching, Sam Malone) on Netflix or just skip to that scene, it's the best of the episode and one of the best of the whole series.

Dwight Evans: One of the more underrated Red Sox in the last 30 years or so. Evans played for the Red Sox for almost twenty years, being a consistent force both offensively and defensively. Evans won eight Gold Gloves in his career while leading in walks three times, OBP once and OPS twice. Evans isn't in the hall of fame (he fell off the ballot in just his third year of eligibility), but he should be. I can't explain it as well as Bill James, so read his column and draw your own conclusions.

Jim Rice: Another great player for the Red Sox in the 70s and 80s. Rice was one of the better hitters of his era, having the reputation for being a player pitchers didn't want to face. He lead in home runs three times and accumulated a career batting average of .298. Rice went to eight All Star games and spent his entire 16 year career with the Red Sox. Though it's a bit of a controversial issue (to put it mildly), Rice was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 2009 in his 15th and final year on the ballot.

Wade Boggs: Mr. Wage Boggs. On TV, Boggs has been run out of bars and punched in them. In real life, he had an elaborate relationship with a woman who wasn't his wife. And allegedly, he was a boozer of legendary repute. Oh, and he was pretty good at baseball, too.

Boggs was one of the greatest hitters of his day, second only to Tony Gwynn in sheer proficiency. He won five batting titles in six years, hitting .328 overall for his career. He also had 200 or more hits in seven straight seasons from 1983 to 1989. He is one of just 28 other players to accumulate 3,000 or more hits (3,010, currently 26th all-time). And he went to twelve straight All-Star games from 1985 to 1996.

While his number wasn't retired by the Red Sox, he was the first (and to date only) player to have that honor bestowed by the Tampa Bay Rays (not counting Jackie Robinson of course), despite only playing two seasons for them. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 2005, his first year of eligibility.

Roger Clemens: Simply put, one of the best and most controversial pitchers ever. Clemens played 24 seasons but got his start with the Red Sox. He won 192 games in Beantown (tied with Cy Young for most in team history) and led in ERA four times. He also won three Cy Young Awards and the 1986 AL MVP. So yeah, he was pretty damn good.

Clemens famously (or infamously depending on your point of view) left the Red Sox in free agency after posting some good but not as great-as-he-once-was numbers in his last four seasons or so in Boston. Red Sox general manager Dan Duquette said after he left that he (Duquette) had hoped to keep Clemens in Boston through "the twilight of his career." A twilight that included leading in ERA another two times, wins two times, strikeouts twice and winning another four Cy Youngs and a couple World Series with the hated Yankees.

Although to ease up a bit on Duquette, Clemens almost surely was taking steroids by this point, so Boston was left out of the shit storm that came because of Clemens' association with PEDs (Clemens is widely accepted to have been clean in his 13 years with the Red Sox). Clemens, despite finishing his career pretty damn high in most relevant pitching categories, has yet to be inducted into the hall of fame, thanks due in no large part to the above mentioned association with PEDs.

Pedro Martinez: One of the great pitchers of his era. Martinez spent seven seasons with the Red Sox, leading the majors in ERA four times and the AL in strikeouts three times. He was one of the key players that helped snap the Red Sox's World Series drought in 2004. Martinez won three Cy Young Awards (two with Boston) and was an eight-time All-Star. He currently sits 13th all-time with 3,154 strikeouts and is pretty much a lock to make the hall of fame when he's up in 2015.

Manny Ramirez: A great hitter known mostly for his off the field excursions than for his brilliance on the diamond. Ramirez was one of the best hitters in history, posting a career line of .312/.411/.585/.996. He also smacked 2,574 hits and 555 home runs. But that's not what people usually associate with Manny Ramirez. They usually think of a guy who was a major pain in the ass. Manny being Manny it was called.

That included leaving his defensive assignment in the middle of a game to take a leak, getting suspended twice for PED use, pouting and making a scene when he didn't get his way, shoving a team secretary to the ground, getting arrested for slapping his wife, etc. Manny being Manny, or a douche as it's usually called.

Ramirez was one of the players that shifted the Red Sox into champions rather than also-rans. He was the first player in Red Sox history to win World Series MVP and helped lead the team to two titles in four years. He'll first be eligible for induction into the hall of fame in 2017, though don't expect him to go in immediately (or at all).

Terry Francona: The second winningest manager in team history behind Joe Cronin. Francona took the reigns as Red Sox skipper in 2004 and the team immediately won the World Series. The Red Sox were a perennial playoff team under Francona, winning 90 or more games six times and getting to at least the ALCS three times. In Francona's stay in Boston from 2004 to 2011, only the Yankees won more games in the majors than the Red Sox (noticing a pattern?). More importantly, the Red Sox won two World Series under Francona.

Five Current Guys You Should Know

David Ortiz: Big Papi! While ostensibly labeled as a first baseman, Ortiz has actually played far more games as a designated hitter. Second only to Edgar Martinez and perhaps Frank Thomas, David Ortiz is the greatest DH in history.

Ortiz has made a career out of hitting diggers, amassing more than 430 as of this writing. In his career with the Red Sox, he has hit .300 or better when logging 600 or more plate appearances five times. As of this writing, Ortiz's .548 slugging percentage is the 27th best in history. And I haven't even started talking about his postseason numbers yet.

In 82 playoff games, Ortiz has logged 357 plate appearances with a .295/.409/.553 batting line and 17 homers. In the 2013 World Series alone he hit .688/.760/1.188 in 25 plate appearances with 2 home runs. Shockingly, he was named WS MVP.

He's been the face of the Red Sox for much of the last decade or so. While Ortiz has a history with PEDs (he tested positive for.... something... in 2003), he's never failed a test since MLB instituted a drug policy and will likely get into Cooperstown at some point when he's eligible.

Dustin Pedroia: One of the current faces of the Red Sox. Pedroia got his career off to a hot start, winning the AL Rookie of the Year in 2007 (one of seemingly hundreds of Red Sox players to do so), then won the AL MVP the next year. All the while he's put up a .302/.369/.451 batting line, pretty great for a second baseman. He's also won three Gold Gloves and has gone to four All-Star games. And his career isn't near over from the looks of it, so expect to see the number of accolades grow over the next decade or so.

Clay Buchholz: One of the better pitchers on the team. Buchholz (pronounced Buck-Holtz) has been decent so far in his career, currently holding career a 3.70 ERA and 1.309 WHIP. Yeah, he's not going to be turning heads with those numbers, but he's also not a liability. That goes a long way in the majors.

John Farrell: Current skipper of the Red Sox. Farrell was the Red Sox's pitching coach when they won the World Series in 2007. He later went on to manage the Toronto Blue Jays, but that didn't go so well. He was actually traded to his old team after the Bobby Valentine fiasco and the team responded by winning 97 games (the most since 2004) and winning the World Series.

While the jury's still out on whether the team won a championship because of Farrell's skills as a manager or for the fact that he's NOT Bobby Valentine, Farrell's still got a talented roster to play around with and the Red Sox will likely be contenders for the next few years with this roster.

Mike Napoli: A relative newcomer to the Red Sox, but someone who made a big splash in his first year. Napoli signed with the Red Sox a a free agent before the 2013 season and hit .259/.360/.482. He was good for 4.2 WAR according to Baseball-Reference, the second highest of his career so far. As of this writing, Napoli is hitting .304/.396/.533 with five home runs through 24 games. Oh, and after the whole Red Sox team grew beards for their playoff push and beyond, Napoli was the only one who kept his. Good for him?

***

That'll do it. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to try and feign interest in the rest of my semester.

MY 2014 POST-FREE AGENCY, PRE-DRAFT NFL PREDICTIONS

With free agency largely behind us and the draft starting up next Thursday, it's time I reevaluated my initial predictions for the 2014 NFL season.

For reference, here's what I thought would happen shortly after the Super Bowl ended. Let's see what's different.

AFC EAST
1. New England Patriots*
2. New York Jets*
3. Buffalo Bills
4. Miami Dolphins

No real change except that the Jets will now make the playoffs and the Dolphins will take a major step back.

AFC NORTH
1. Cincinnati Bengals*
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Cleveland Browns

The Ravens will be so-so again this year and won't make the playoffs based on tiebreakers. The Bengals are still the best team in the division by a large margin. The Steelers are about the same or slightly worse, the Browns are about the same or slightly better, neither of which will make much of difference.

AFC SOUTH
1. Indianapolis Colts*
2. Houston Texans
3. Jacksonville Jaguars
4. Tennessee Titans

I said in my original assessment that the Colts are a great passing offense and not much else and that that would hurt them. With about two-and-a-half months to let that thought ruminate a bit, I haven't changed my mind on that being what the Colts are. But I don't think that's going to make much of a difference in the regular season.

I think the Texans and Jaguars will show noticeable improvement, but it won't be enough for playoff berths. And I think I've mentioned before how little a pulse I have on the Titans, so my thoughts on them could shake out exactly or be radically wrong.

AFC WEST
1. Kansas City Chiefs*
2. Denver Broncos*
3. San Diego Chargers
4. St. Louis Rams

I think the Chiefs have a slightly easier schedule than the Broncos, which will make the difference. (The Chiefs get the Patriots and Seahawks at home while the Broncos have to travel to both.) The Chargers and Rams are about the same, but the Chargers will be contending for a wild card spot in the weak AFC.

NFC EAST
1. Philadelphia Eagles*
2. Washington Redskins
3. New York Giants
4. Dallas Cowboys

The Eagles and Redskins will go at it all year for the division title while the Cowboys and Giants will be noticeably worse than those teams while still being in it themselves. Because the NFC East is terrible.

NFC NORTH
1. Chicago Bears*
2. Green Bay Packers*
3. Detroit Lions
4. Minnesota Vikings

If the Bears' defense can improve even slightly, they can win the division. The Packers are slightly behind the Bears but will make the playoffs. The Lions and Vikings may look better, but they won't be competitive in the division.

NFC SOUTH
1. New Orleans Saints*
2. Atlanta Falcons
3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
4. Carolina Panthers

Remember when I said that I wasn't a fan of the Panthers' receivers? Well now they don't even have THOSE players. Now it's Jerricho Cotchery and not much else. Nothing against Cotchery who IS a fine receiver. But if he's your number one option, that's not going to go well.

The Saints dramatically improved their defense in free agency (signing Jairus Byrd and Champ Bailey as just two examples) and I think they'll have home field advantage throughout the playoffs as a result. I still maintain that the Falcons will be better, but it won't translate into a playoff spot.

NFC WEST
1. Seattle Seahawks*
2. Arizona Cardinals*
3. San Francisco 49ers
4. St. Louis Rams

Because everyone will be gunning for the Seahawks, their record won't be as good as it was last season, but it won't impact their standing atop the NFC West. Everything else remains the same with my earlier predictions.

***

As for the playoffs...

AFC: Indianapolis Colts at Kansas City Chiefs
NFC: Seattle Seahawks at New Orleans Saints

Yeah, these are radically different match-ups. The way I figured things out, the Colts will have the number two seed, which will help immensely while the Chiefs will be the top dog in the AFC. As I mentioned above, the Saints will be number one in the NFC while the Seahawks will be a road team in the later stages of the playoffs. The home field advantage will help propel both the Chiefs and Saints advancing to the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl XLIX: Kansas City Chiefs at New Orleans Saints

In a vacuum, the Saints could beat the Chiefs. They'll have a more explosive offense and their defense, while probably not as good as the Chiefs' will be good enough to limit Kansas City. So yeah, two Super Bowl titles in six seasons for the team that used to be known as the Ain'ts. And the first Super Bowl berth for the Chiefs since they won Super Bowl IV after the 1969 season. Don't cry for either team.

2014 MLB PREDICTIONS

The 2014 baseball season is already underway with the Dodgers beating the Diamondbacks (and during this writing, the Dodgers up three on Arizona, so awesome start, D-Backs). But it's still early enough to give my thoughts on how everything will shake out in time for the postseason.

I'm not giving record predictions because, in baseball, that's just crazy. I'm only going with where each team will finish and if they'll make the playoffs.

(*) indicates playoff team

AL East
1. Boston Red Sox*
2. Tampa Bay Rays*
3. New York Yankees
4. Baltimore Orioles
5. Toronto Blue Jays

AL Central
1. Detroit Tigers*
2. Cleveland Indians*
3. Kansas City Royals
4. Chicago White Sox
5. Minnesota Twins

AL West
1. Texas Rangers*
2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
3. Oakland Athletics
4. Seattle Mariners
5. Houston Astros

NL East
1. Washington Nationals*
2. Atlanta Braves
3. New York Mets
4. Philadelphia Phillies
5. Miami Marlins

NL Central
1. St. Louis Cardinals*
2. Pittsburgh Pirates*
3. Milwaukee Brewers
4. Cincinnati Reds
5. Chicago Cubs

NL West
1. Los Angeles Dodgers*
2. San Francisco Giants*
3. Arizona Diamondbacks
4. Colorado Rockies
5. San Diego Padres

***

ALCS: Tigers over Red Sox (4-2)
NLCS: Dodgers over Cardinals (4-3)

110th World Series: Dodgers over Tigers (4-1)