2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 17 GAMES

Week 16 Record: 8-8 (.500)
Total Record: 146-93 (.611)

CLE @ BAL
SD @ KC
NYJ @ MIA
CHI @ MIN
BUF @ NE
PHI @ NYG
NO @ TB
DAL @ WAS
CAR @ ATL
OAK @ DEN
DET @ GB
JAX @ HOU
ARI @ SF
STL @ SEA
IND @ TEN
CIN @ PIT

POTENTIAL 2015 PRO FOOTBALL HALL OF FAME CANIDATES

So, I was supposed to post this article back in August in time for the Class of 2014's induction ceremony. Welp, I forgot.

And thanks to college work, it kept getting pushed back. As a result, a few of the names mentioned in the Big Names section have been passed up for induction. Luckily for me, neither guy was a lock and I predicted they wouldn't go in anyway. So when you come to them, just whistle, look up to the sky and pretend like it's August again.

With that said, here's a look at some big-name football players whose careers came to an end five years ago and, thus, are up for induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

TEN BIG NAMES

ISSAC BRUCE (WR)

1994-2007 Los Angeles/St. Louis Rams, 2008-2009 San Francisco 49ers

Accomplishments: 4x Pro Bowl selection (1996, 1999-2001); Super Bowl champion (1999); 1,000 Receptions Club; 15,000 Receiving Yards Club

Pros: Bruce had a long career and put up some big numbers in his career. He is one of just nine receivers in history to catch 1,000 or more passes in his career and sits eighth all-time on the career list. He also has the fourth most receiving yards in history and is one of five to gain 15,000 or more.

Also, Bruce was a major player on the Greatest Show on Turf Rams teams from 1999 to 2001 that set NFL records for offense and went to two Super Bowls in three years.

Cons: There's a negative term used to describe certain athletes called "compilers," wherein, Athlete X reaches impressive career milestones by playing for a long time, not necessarily because he was particularly dominant. Bruce may fall into that category.

Bruce was only in the top 10 of a given season in receptions twice in his career, and receiving yards four. In 16 seasons, he caught 70 or more passes five times. He was never First Team All-Pro and made just four Pro Bowls.

Part of all this is because the mid-'90s and '00s were kind of a receiver renaissance, with some of the best ever at that position playing at the same time. But with that said, Bruce didn't do a whole lot to distinguish himself from his peers, with a few exceptions.

Overall: Isaac Bruce was unquestionably a great player, and overall I think he belongs in the Hall of Fame. However, due to the fact that he was rarely one of the best receivers year to year, I don't think it'll be a crime if he doesn't make it in his first year of eligibility. There are other, more deserving receivers that are up that have better cases than Bruce. Like a long-time teammate of his...

HoF Projection: Maybe

TORRY HOLT (WR)

1999-2008 St. Louis Rams, 2009 Jacksonville Jaguars

Accomplishments: 7x Pro Bowl selection (2000-2001, 2003-2007); 1st Team All-Pro (2003); 2000s All-Decade Team (2nd Team); Super Bowl champion (1999); 13,000 Receiving Yards Club

Pros: Think back to the '00s and name the best receivers of the decade: Terrell Owens, Randy Moss, Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne... Torry Holt. In the years spanning his entire 11-year career, no one caught more passes or gained more receiving yards than Torry Holt. He also gained 1,000 or more yards in eight consecutive seasons from 2000 to 2007.

Even though the Rams' dominance took place in his first three seasons, Holt was THE best receiver on the team and contributed mightily to the gaudy numbers those teams put up.

Cons: Holt had a relatively short career. Receivers also tend to have a hell of a time getting into the Pro Football Hall of Fame unless they're Jerry Rice.

Overall: Holt was a fantastic player for the era which he played. He was a major player on some great, championship caliber teams. He's not a lock simply because of competition from Bruce, Tim Brown and Marvin Harrison. But Holt has a good shot of making it now, or in the next few years.

HoF Projection: Pretty Good

EDGERRIN JAMES (RB)

1999-2005 Indianapolis Colts, 2006-2008 Arizona Cardinals, 2009 Seattle Seahawks

Accomplishments: 4x Pro Bowl selection (1999-2000, 2004-2005); 1st Team All-Pro (1999); 2000s All-Decade Team (1st Team); AP Offensive Rookie of the Year (1999); 12,000 Rushing Yards Club

Pros: James is the most statistically accomplished running back in the history of the Baltimore/Indianapolis Colts, holding the team record for most attempts, rushing yards and rushing touchdowns.

He scored 11 or more touchdowns on the ground four times and led the league in rushing yards in consecutive years, his first two.

He currently sits seventh all-time in rushing attempts, 11th all-time in rushing yards and 19th all-time in rushing touchdowns in the history of pro football.

Cons: James' seven seasons with the Colts were his best as a pro. He was decent for a couple seasons with the Arizona Cardinals, but the second he turned 30, everything went to hell, as it usually does for running backs. He never rushed for more than four yards per carry after he left the Colts, either. What I'm getting at is that James' peak may have been too short for most voters to consider.

Another thing working against James is that he never won a Super Bowl (which I say is a dumb thing to hold against a player, but there are voters who don't feel that way). The Colts won the Super Bowl the year after he left the team and he wasn't much of a factor on the Cardinals when they went to Super Bowl XLIII.

Overall: James is a wild card. I wouldn't be surprised if he made it in one day or he falls just short of induction. Either way, I don't see him going in this year thanks to some stiff competition. But then again, I've seen stranger things happen.

HoF Projection: Maybe

TY LAW (CB)

1995-2004 New England Patriots, 2005, 2008 New York Jets, 2006-2007 Kansas City Chiefs, 2009 Denver Broncos

Accomplishments: 5x Pro Bowl selection (1998, 2001-2003, 2005); 2x 1st Team All-Pro (1998, 2003); 2000s All-Decade Team (2nd Team); 3x Super Bowl champion (2001, 2003-2004); 50 Interceptions Club

Pros: He was one of the best defensive players on great Patriots defenses. Law won three Super Bowls as a key contributor for the Pats and led the league in interceptions twice, eight seasons apart. He was very durable, as he is one of just 24 cornerbacks in history to have played in 200 or more games in his career.

Cons: Law's stats don't really pop out. He was a really good player, but he rarely distinguished himself from his peers like Champ Bailey or Darren Sharper.

Overall: I believe Law is more than worthy of induction, but I don't know if he'll go in this year. There are some pretty crazy names up as you'll see soon. But don't be surprised if he goes in eventually.

HoF Projection: Maybe

JAMAL LEWIS (RB)

2000-2006 Baltimore Ravens, 2007-2009 Cleveland Browns

Accomplishments: Pro Bowl selection (2003); 1st Team All-Pro (2003); 2000s All-Decade Team (2nd Team); AP Offensive Player of the Year (2003); Super Bowl champion (2000); 10,000 Rushing Yards Club

Pros: Lewis was the fifth running back in history to rush for 2,000 or more yards in a single season. He also rushed for 14 touchdowns in that historic 2003 season. You could argue without much resistance that Lewis was the Ravens' most important and skill position player for many years.

Cons: Aside from that great 2003 season, Lewis wasn't all that great. He never rushed for more than 1,364 yards other than 2003, and 2003 was the only year he recorded double-digit rushing touchdowns. Drugs and other off-field excursions plagued Lewis for much of his career instead. Not helping matters, he only played nine seasons thanks to a knee injury whipping out his entire 2001 season.

Overall: I hate the term "hall of very good," but if ever a player was worthy of getting inducted in such a place, it'd be Lewis. I doubt he'll ever get in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, though.

HoF Projection: Slim Chance

KEVIN MAWAE (C)

1994-1997 Seattle Seahawks, 1998-2005 New York Jets, 2006-2009 Tennessee Titans

Accomplishments: 8x Pro Bowl selection (1999-2004, 2008-2009); 3x 1st Team All-Pro (1999, 2001, 2008); 2000s All-Decade Team (1st Team)

Pros: Talk about durable. Mawae started 171 consecutive games from 1994 to 2005 before missing much of the latter season due to a triceps injury. All in all, Mawae started 232 games of a possible 256 (90.6%) and played in 241 (94.1%). Six consecutive Pro Bowl nods from 1999 to 2004 and three First Team All-Pro selections spaced out over a decade make him one of the most accomplished centers of his era.

Cons: Mawae had a pretty deserved reputation for being a dirty player. Mawae himself admitted to leg-whipping a few guys here and there. Some voters might get turned off by that.

Overall: I wouldn't be surprised at all to see Mawae go inducted in the not too distant future. The problem is, is that centers have a tough time making it in the Hall of Fame. There are only six modern-day centers enshrined and of those six, only two went in on their first ballot. Jim Langer was the last center to go in immediately, and that was in 1987. So history isn't necessarily on Mawae's side as far as a quick induction is concerned. But an eventual induction? Yeah, more than likely.

HoF Projection: Slim Chance

CHRIS MCALISTER (CB)

1999-2008 Baltimore Ravens, 2009 New Orleans Saints

Accomplishments: 3x Pro Bowl selection (2003-2004, 2006); 1st Team All-Pro (2003); Super Bowl champion (2000)

Pros: McAlister was a good cornerback in the NFL for a long time and had what you would consider a pretty great career.

Cons: That great career won't translate into a bronze bust. Compared to some defensive players in Ravens history, McAlister might come up as the fifth or sixth player you might think of, but that might be a stretch. He was a good cornerback on some fantastic defenses, but he wasn't one of the best of his era.

Overall: Sorry, but I just don't see him going in now or ever.

HoF Projection: Not This Year

ORLANDO PACE (OT)

1997-2008 St. Louis Rams, 2009 Chicago Bears

Accomplishments: 1st Overall Pick (1997); 7x Pro Bowl selection (1999-2005); 3x 1st Team All-Pro (1999, 2001, 2003); 2000s All-Decade Team (2nd Team); Super Bowl champion (1999)

Pros: How do you judge whether someone is a Hall of Famer? Do you look at pedigree? If so, Pace was the first overall pick in the 1997 Draft and lived up to his hype. Do you look at championships? The Rams went to two Super Bowls in Pace's career while he was far and away the anchor of the offensive line. And as far as level of play goes, Pace was one of the premier offensive tackles in the NFL during his career, going to seven-straight Pro Bowls.

Cons: The last few seasons of his career were marred by injuries, as he missed 23 games in two-straight seasons. And when he was healthy, he was no longer the great player he once was, and the Rams were simply God awful. His final season with the Chicago Bears was also forgettable.

Overall: Taking into account his late-career slide, Pace is still one of the better first-time eligible candidates. He had nothing short of an incredible career and has all the personal and professional accolades you'd think a Hall of Famer would have. It's a pretty crowded list, but I think he's got a good chance of going in and soon.

HoF Projection: Pretty Good

JUNIOR SEAU (LB)

1990-2002 San Diego Chargers, 2003-2005 Miami Dolphins, 2006-2009 New England Patriots

Accomplishments: 12x Pro Bowl selection (1991-2002); 6x 1st Team All-Pro (1992-1994, 1996, 1998, 2000); 1990s All-Decade Team (1st Team); 1,500 Tackles Club

Pros: Simply put, one of the greatest middle linebackers in the history of the game. Seau is currently fourth on the all-time tackle list (he had an astounding 1,522 solo tackles). He was remarkably durable, playing 20 seasons in the NFL. He was the best player on the Chargers for more than a decade, and he played well in his stints with the Dolphins and Patriots, even if he wasn't the same player he was in San Diego.

Cons: There are no holes you can poke into Seau's worthiness for induction. None.

Overall: Seau was a lock when he retired for real in 2010. After his tragic death, he's doubly locked. In a month, he'll take his rightful place in the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

HoF Projection: Slam Dunk

KURT WARNER (QB)

1998-2003 St. Louis Rams, 2004 New York Giants, 2005-2009 Arizona Cardinals

Accomplishments: 4x Pro Bowl selection (1999-2001, 2008); 2x 1st Team All-Pro (1999, 2001); 2x AP MVP (1999, 2001); Super Bowl champion (1999); Super Bowl MVP (1999); 30,000 Passing Yards Club; 200 Passing Touchdowns Club

Pros: Warner famously got his start in the Arena Football League and became the unlikeliest of NFL superstars in the 2000s. He won two MVPs, led the league in touchdowns twice and guided three teams to the Super Bowl.

Cons: The first part and last part of Warner's career were simply spectacular, but there was a long stretch in the middle that wasn't so hot. Injuries plagued him in his last seasons in St. Louis and he became a glorified backup for about three years after the Rams cut bait. Warner held clipboards for Eli Manning and Matt Leinart, two quarterbacks that were nowhere near as good as he was.

Overall: Warner is a wild card here as he was in his playing days. His middle-year cratering has since been attributed to coaches not realizing he was so great (it took Ken Whisenhunt an absurdly long time to realize that Matt Leinart was indeed not as good as Kurt Warner, one of the many knocks you can throw his way as far as coaching acumen is conserned).

Warner was the crown jewel of the Greatest Show on Turf Rams, as well as a great player in his last two seasons with the Arizona Cardinals where they were unlikely contenders. That will push Warner over the top. It's a no-brainer.

HoF Projection: Slam Dunk

INTERESTING NAMES

These next few players will never go into the Hall of Fame. Nonetheless, they had good, or otherwise notable careers. So let's take a look at them.

MARC BULGER (QB)

2002-2009 St. Louis Rams

After the Rams dumped Warner, Bulger acquired himself reasonably well as the starting quarterback. He made two Pro Bowls and was one of the better quarterbacks in the league over a three or four year period. But in his last three seasons, he completely cratered, which didn't help the Rams stave off their historically horrible play. He retired young, at just 32, due to injuries.

DAUNTE CULPEPPER (QB)

1999-2005 Minnesota Vikings, 2006 Miami Dolphins, 2007 Oakland Raiders, 2008-2009 Detroit Lions

Man, that 2004 season. Culpepper led the NFL with 379 completions and 4,717 passing yards. He also threw 39 touchdowns to just 11 interceptions. That was by far his best statistical season, with injuries and ineffective play marring much of his career, with the exception of his 2000, 2003 and 2004 seasons. The less we talk about his time with the Dolphins, Raiders and Lions, the better.

AHMAN GREEN (RB)

1998-1999 Seattle Seahawks, 2000-2006, 2009 Green Bay Packers, 2007-2008 Houston Texans

The all-time leading rusher in the history of the Green Bay Packers. Green rushed for 1,000 or more yards six times in seven seasons from 2000 to 2006. His 2003 season was the best of his career- he went for 1,883 yards (a Packers record) and 15 touchdowns on the ground. He also made four-straight Pro Bowls from 2001 to 2004.

JEVON KEARSE (DE)

1999-2003, 2008-2009 Tennessee Titans, 2004-2007 Philadelphia Eagles

Talk about peaking early. Kearse made his presence known immediately as a rookie, notching 14.5 sacks, a rookie record. He never reached the same heights throughout the rest of his career, but he still made three Pro Bowls and went to two Super Bowls (his teams didn't win either).

PATRICK KERNEY (DE)

1999-2006 Atlanta Falcons, 2007-2009 Seattle Seahawks

A good pass rusher. Kearney is currently third in Falcons history in sacks with 58. He recorded double-digit sacks four times in his career, including a career-high 14.5 in 2007 with the Seahawks, for which he was named First Team All-Pro.

MUHSIN MUHAMMAD (WR)

1996-2004, 2008-2009 Carolina Panthers, 2005-2007 Chicago Bears

Muhammad was a really good receiver for the Panthers and Bears. He had a great 2004, for which he was named First Team All-Pro, where he led the league with 1,405 receiving yards and 16 touchdowns. He's been overshadowed in Panthers history thanks to Steve Smith, but Muhammad is definitely the second-best receiver in team history.

AARON SCHOBEL (DE)

2001-2009 Buffalo Bills

One of the few bright spots for the Bills post Music City Miracle. Schobel played in 116 consecutive games for the Bills and recorded double-digit sacks four times. He went to two-consecutive Pro Bowls from 2006 to 2007. He is second all-time in Bills history in sacks, with 78.

JEREMIAH TROTTER (LB)

1998-2001, 2004-2006, 2009 Philadelphia Eagles, 2002-2003 Washington Redskins, 2007 Tampa Bay Buccaneers

One of the better middle linebackers of the 2000s. Trotter anchored some pretty impressive defenses for the Eagles, and went to two of the four-straight NFC Conference Championship Games the Eagles made from 2001 to 2004. All four Pro Bowl selections and his First Team All-Pro nod happened in his three stints with the Eagles.

DAVID TYREE (WR)

2003-2007 New York Giants, 2009 Baltimore Ravens

That catch is the only notable thing Tyree did in his career. He'll be remembered forever, though.

TROY WILLIAMSON (WR)

2005-2007 Minnesota Vikings, 2008-2009 Jacksonville Jaguars

I've never seen a picture better exemplify a career like this one does with Troy Williamson.

***

And that's the end.

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 16 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 139-87 (.615)

CLE @ CAR
DET @ CHI
BAL @ HOU
MIN @ MIA
ATL @ NO
NE @ NYJ
KC @ PIT
GB @ TB
IND @ DAL
BUF @ OAK
NYG @ STL
SEA @ ARI
DEN @ CIN

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 16 THURSDAY AND SATURDAY GAMES

Week 15 Record: 11-5 (.688)
Total Record: 138-85 (.619)

TEN @ JAX
PHI @ WAS
SD @ SF

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 15 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 127-81 (.611)

PIT @ ATL
JAX @ BAL
GB @ BUF
TB @ CAR
CIN @ CLE
HOU @ IND
OAK @ KC
MIA @ NE
WAS @ NYG
MIN @ DET
DEN @ SD
SF @ SEA
NYJ @ TEN
DAL @ PHI
NO @ CHI

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 15 THURSDAY GAME

Week 14 Record: 8-8 (.500)
Total Record: 127-80 (.614)

ARI @ STL

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 14 THURSDAY GAME

Week 12 Record: 9-7 (.563)
Total Record: 119-72 (.623)

DAL @ CHI

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 13 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 111-67 (.624)

SD @ BAL
CLE @ BUF
TEN @ HOU
WAS @ IND
NYG @ JAX
CAR @ MIN
NO @ PIT
OAK @ STL
CIN @ TB
ARI @ ATL
NE @ GB
DEN @ KC
MIA @ NYJ

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: THANKSGIVING GAMES

Week 12 Record: 10-5 (.667)
Total Record: 110-65 (.629)

CHI @ DET
PHI @ DAL
SEA @ SF

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 12 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 100-61 (.621)
Byes: CAR, PIT

CLE @ ATL
TB @ CHI
CIN @ HOU
JAX @ IND
GB @ MIN
DET @ NE
TEN @ PHI
MIA @ DEN
STL @ SD
WAS @ SF
ARI @ SEA
DAL @ NYG
NYJ @ BUF
BAL @ NO

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 12 THURSDAY GAME

Week 11 Record: 9-5 (.643)
Total Record: 100-60 (.625)

Byes: CAR, PIT

KC @ OAK

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 11 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 92-55 (.626)
Byes: BAL, DAL, JAX, NYJ

ATL @ CAR
MIN @ CHI
HOU @ CLE
SEA @ KC
CIN @ NO
SF @ NYG
DEN @ STL
TB @ WAS
DET @ ARI
PHI @ GB
OAK @ SD
NE @ IND
PIT @ TEN

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 11 THURSDAY GAME

Week 10 Record: 8-5 (.615)
Total Record: 91-55 (.623)

Byes: BAL, DAL, JAX, NYJ

BUF @ MIA

I HATE THAT STUPID HANS AND FRANZ COMMERCIAL

Thanks to my college work, it's been a while since I've published something of substance on this here blog. That's not going to change today, but hey, at least it isn't another half-assed prediction article, right?

If you've watched even one football game all the way through this year, no matter the time or network, I'm sure you've seen a commercial for State Farm Insurance featuring this guy:

Aaron Rodgers: the freshmaker.

But it isn't just a commercial featuring Aaron Rodgers, Packers quarterback extraordinaire. It also features these two douchebags:

Only without most of their real hair.

That would be Hans and Franz, portrayed by Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon. I'd say "respectively," but I honestly don't know which one was Hans and which one was Franz. I also don't care enough to look it up.

For those not in the know, Hans and Franz were in Saturday Night Live sketches throughout the late 80s and early 90s. They were takeoffs of Arnold Schwarzenegger, basically highlighting that he's a muscle-bound meathead with nothing to say of consequence, a fact that has only become more apparent in the ensuing quarter century.

As a sketch from 25 years ago, it was fine, but their inclusion in this new commercial grinds my gears. More backstory- last year, Rodgers was in a commercial with these gentlemen:

"Go 'what' myself? Well I never!"

This was Rodgers' first encounter with a former recurring SNL sketch. But this one actually makes sense. You see, they're Bears fans. I don't know if you noticed, but the Bears and Packers have been playing each other for the better part of a century. To have the Packers' biggest star meet two beloved Bears fans that people remember was kind of a funny idea.

What in the green hell does Aaron Rodgers need to meet Hans and 'effing Franz for? What's the connection.

For reference, here's the one minute commercial. I'm very sorry I couldn't find the shorter version. Actually, I'm not really. If I had to watch this commercial multiple times over the last two months, you should have to watch it once.

Okay, first off, why does Aaron Rodgers know who Hans and Franz are? I know they were on SNL, but they aren't on SNL in this commercial. They're just hanging out in the real world. So does that mean that Hans and Franz are real people? Like, it wasn't an act? Or are Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon just Hans and Franz playing characters? Or is this happening in Aaron Rodgers' head and he's actually clinically insane?

Also, is this just going to be a thing now? Aaron Rodgers, through his sponsorship of State Farm, takes SNL characters from the 90s under his wing and saves them all money, after which they express gratitude in their own ways? So next year, is Goatboy going to help Aaron Rodgers out? Are Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri going to cheer Aaron Rodgers on as his personal cheerleaders? Will Aaron Rodgers appear on an episode of Sprockets?

Look, bottom line, the commercial isn't funny, or enjoyable, or pleasant. It's overplayed, and frankly, shitty. I know it's a hack thing to do to bitch and moan about a commercial, but Jesus, this fucking thing is omnipresent!

This damn thing is already over 500 words, so for your sake and mine, I'll stop. I just needed to vent. Now I'm going to go watch TV and revel in Aaron Rodgers' trip to the girls bathroom at the local Catholic school.

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 10 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 83-51 (.619)
Byes: HOU, IND, MIN, NE, SD, WAS

TEN @ BAL
KC @ BUF
MIA @ DET
DAL @ JAX
SF @ NO
PIT @ NYJ
STL @ ARI
DEN @ OAK
NYG @ SEA
ATL @ TB
CHI @ GB
CAR @ PHI

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 10 THURSDAY GAME

Week 9 Record: 9-4 (.692)
Total Record: 83-50 (.624)

Byes: HOU, IND, MIN, NE, SD, WAS

CLE @ CIN

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 9 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 75-46 (.620)
Byes: ATL, BUF, CHI, DET, GB, TEN

JAX @ CIN
TB @ CLE
ARI @ DAL
PHI @ HOU
NYJ @ KC
SD @ MIA
WAS @ MIN
DEN @ NE
STL @ SF
OAK @ SEA
BAL @ PIT
IND @ NYG

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 9 THURSDAY GAME

Week 8 Record: 10-5 (.667)
Total Record: 74-46 (.617)

Byes: ATL, BUF, CHI, DET, GB, TEN

NO @ CAR

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 8 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 65-41 (.613)
Byes: NYG, SF

DET @ ATL
SEA @ CAR
BAL @ CIN
MIA @ JAX
STL @ KC
CHI @ NE
BUF @ NYJ
MIN @ TB
HOU @ TEN
PHI @ ARI
OAK @ CLE
IND @ PIT
GB @ NO
WAS @ DAL

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 8 THURSDAY GAME

Week 7 Record: 10-5 (.667)
Total Record: 64-41 (.610)

Byes: NYG, SF

SD @ DEN

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 7 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 55-36 (.604)
BYES: PHI, TB

ATL @ BAL
MIN @ BUF
MIA @ CHI
NO @ DET
CAR @ GB
CIN @ IND
CLE @ JAX
SEA @ STL
TEN @ WAS
NYG @ DAL
ARI @ OAK
KC @ SD
SF @ DEN
HOU @ PIT

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 7 THURSDAY GAME (UPDATED WITH RECORDS)

Week 6 Record: 7-7 (.500)
Total Record: 54-36 (.600)

BYES: PHI, TB

NYJ @ NE

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 6 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 47-30 (.610)
BYES: KC, NO

NE @ BUF
CAR @ CIN
PIT @ CLE
GB @ MIA
DET @ MIN
DEN @ NYJ
BAL @ TB
JAX @ TEN
WAS @ ARI
CHI @ ATL
SD @ OAK
DAL @ SEA
NYG @ PHI
SF @ STL

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 6 THUSDAY GAME

Week 5 Record: 11-4 (.733)
Total Record: 47-29 (.618)

Byes: KC, NO

IND @ HOU

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 5 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 37-25 (.597)
BYES: MIA, OAK

CHI @ CAR
HOU @ DAL
BUF @ DET
BAL @ IND
PIT @ JAX
TB @ NO
ATL @ NYG
STL @ PHI
CLE @ TEN
ARI @ DEN
NYJ @ SD
KC @ SF
CIN @ NE
SEA @ WAS

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 5 THURSDAY GAME

Week 4 Record: 6-7 (.462)
Total Record: 36-25 (.590)

Byes: Dolphins, Raiders

MIN @ GB

A BRIEF HISTORY OF... THE LOS ANGELES KINGS

One week from today, the 2014-15 NHL season will get under way. With that in mind, let's profile the team that's won two of the last three Stanley Cups: the Los Angeles Kings.

Starting Up: After nearly 25 years of being a six-team league, the NHL expanded to twelve teams before the 1967-68 season. Jack Kent Cooke, a businessman with a history of sports ownership (he also owned the Los Angeles Lakers and the Washington Redskins at points in his life) paid the NHL two-million dollars to set up a team in L.A. The Kings' original colors were purple (dubbed "forum blue") and gold, the same colors of Cooke's Lakers.

Along with the Oakland Seals (later the California Golden Seals and Cleveland Barons before disbanding), the Kings were the first NHL team to be based in southern California, an atypical hockey market for sure, what with the whole warm temperatures and no snow thing. Cooke, who was Canadian and a big hockey fan, saw no problem with placing the team within spitting distance of most movie sets. He justified the placement with the fact that many people from big hockey areas like the northeast portion of the United States and Canada now lived in the area. Of course when the Kings ran into attendance problems a few years later, Cooke snarked that all those people moved to SoCal because "they hated hockey".

The Kings have followed the lead of the other Los Angeles based sports teams of the past. Their original colors matched the Lakers' and their later change to silver and black matched the Raiders, who were playing in Los Angeles at the time. The Kings have also shared the same arena as the Lakers for their entire history, playing at the Forum and then the Staples Center just like their basketball cousins. The two teams also shared the same owner for the Kings' first twenty years, first with Jack Kent Cooke, then with Jerry Buss, until Buss sold the Kings to Bruce McNall in 1988, breaking the cycle.

For those of you who are curious, here are the Kings' primary logos through the years:

Greatest Runs

A Perfectly Acceptable Team (1973-1982): Here's what you should know about most of the Kings' history- it's bad. They went years, even decades of not really amounting to much in the grand scheme of things. So the fact that they made the playoffs in nine straight years (a team record that still stands) from 1974 to 1982 should be commended, even if those teams weren't great and only advanced past their first series three times.

There were highlights though. The team accumulated 105 points (most points in Kings history) in 1974-75. The later teams in this window also featured the famed Triple Crown Line of Marcel Dione, Dave Taylor and Charlie Simmer, one of the highest scoring and exciting lines in NHL history.

The 1982 team also made the biggest comeback in NHL playoff history in Game 3 of their first round series against the Edmonton Oilers. The Oilers led 5-0 going into the third and final period, but the Kings miraculously scored five goals in the final period of regulation to force overtime. The Kings ended up winning the game 6-5 and won the series overall three games to two. Game 3 of that series has since been dubbed the Miracle on Manchester and is fully a part of NHL lore.

The Great One Goes Hollywood (1988-1993): Wayne Gretzky, probably the biggest star in hockey history, was traded from the Oilers to the Kings before the 1988-89 season (an act that no Canadian will ever be allowed to forget). To explain what a gigantic deal this was, it would have been like if Michael Jordan got traded to the Toronto Raptors. The single most popular athlete in the sport at the time going to a team that not only had a history of being mediocre or worse, but is in another country all together, taking him away from his home country's people in a way.

The Kings changed their uniforms from purple and gold to silver and black to mark the occasion of snagging the Great One and Gretzky immediately brought credibility and interest in a team that had sorely lacked it for most of its history. From the 1988 season to 1989, the Kings went from a fourth place team that accumulated 68 points to a second place team with 91 points. From 1989 to 1993, they failed to advance past their first series just once. The Kings also won the only division title in team history in 1991 and went to their first Stanley Cup Finals in 1993 (they lost to the Montreal Canadiens in five games).

Gretzky's presence did more than just make the Kings relevant- number 99 playing in Los Angeles is credited for adding renewed interest in hockey in California. A few years later, the NHL added two more California teams, the San Jose Sharks and the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, and today there are quite a few California-born players at the NHL level, something that would've been unthinkable 25 years ago.

Kings Get Crowned (2011-Present): After 45 years, the Kings finally won their first championship in 2012. But the road to that championship took many twists and turns. For one thing, the team fired coach Terry Murray after 29 games and searched for a replacement while John Stevens coached in the interim. The team finally hired Darryl Sutter and the team went 25-13-11 the rest of the way, good for 61 points. For comparison's sake, the team went 15-14-4 prior to Sutter's hire (34 points).

That performance managed to snag the Kings the eighth and final seed in the playoffs and a likely early exit from postseason play (eighth seeds don't generally do well against the best teams in the conference). Not only did the Kings NOT lose, they won in dominating fashion. They beat the President's Trophy-winning Vancouver Canucks in five games in the first round, swept the second-seeded St. Louis Blues in the second round and dispatched the Phoenix Coyotes in the conference finals in five games. The Kings made it to the Stanley Cup Finals while only losing TWO games.

Even though it took them six games to beat the New Jersey Devils, the series really wasn't all that close. The Kings had a 3-0 series record before the Devils won the next two games. The Kings outscored the Devils 16-8 in the series and only one of their loses was by more than one goal. They also destroyed the Devils in the sixth game, beating them on home ice 6-1 to win the cup.

The The Kings won the cup in just 20 games, tied with several other teams for second fewest ever since the NHL went with seven-game series through all four rounds of the playoffs in 1987. The team also made the conference finals the next year before losing to the eventual-champions the Chicago Blackhawks. The 2014 Kings won the cup for the second time in three years in 26 games, the most ever for a cup winning team, effectively making them the exact opposite of the 2012 team (they were also the first team in NHL history to get to the finals after playing in three consecutive Game 7s).

In case you need it spelled out further, this current period is the best in Kings history.

Leanest Years

Troubled Beginnings (1967-1973): The Kings followed the usual role of an expansion team in any sport by being terrible when they started out. But their terribleness was masked somewhat thanks to the way the NHL was set up at the time.

Starting with the 1967-68 season, the NHL was split into two divisions- the East and West. The East Division was made up of the Original Six teams (the Bruins, Black Hawks, Red Wings, Canadiens, Rangers and Maple Leafs). Okay, that doesn't sound too strange. Those teams are all eastern-based teams anyway.

The "West" Division on the other hand was made up of the NHL's expansion franchises. The Kings were part of the West Division along with other "western" based teams like the Philadelphia Flyers and Pittsburgh Penguins. The playoffs were also separated by division as well, so for the first three years from 1968 to 1970, the winner of the eastern playoffs would face off against the winner of the western playoffs in the Stanley Cup Finals. Or in other words, the eastern playoff winner would win the Stanley Cup since, you know, they'd excised for more than a couple years at that point.

Despite being placed in a division with five other teams also starting from square one, the Kings still struggled mightily to make the playoffs after their first two seasons (it should be noted that the Kings made it within a series of the 1969 Stanley Cup Finals, but reread the above paragraph to understand how not a big deal that really was). The Kings ranked in the bottom half of the West-Expansion Division in four straight seasons from 1970 to 1973, including finishing dead last twice. The 1969-70 team only accumulated 38 points in 76 games (!), making them the worst Kings team in history by a pretty significant margin.

All told, the bottom ten teams in Kings history in terms of points percentage (or winning percentage) features four (!!!) teams from this period. No wonder no one went to the games.

Money, They Don't Have Any (1993-1997): Even though the team had the best player in the world in Wayne Gretzky, the rest of the team wasn't doing so hot, thanks in no large part to the fiasco then-owner Bruce McNall put them in.

A few months after their appearance in the Stanley Cup Finals, McNall defaulted on a loan and was forced to sell the team. As it turned out, McNall, who had been committing fraud on an almost comical scale for the better part of the previous decade, had put the Kings in dire financial straits with his big spending. The team was very near bankrupt even after they were sold, and had to get rid of most of their best players because they couldn't pay them.

With that rosy picture in mind, it's no surprise that the Kings bottomed out, raking up just 66 points in 84 games in the 1993-94 season. The team would miss the playoffs in four straight seasons and failed to crack 70 points in any of those years (the 1994-95 season was reduced to 48 games after a lockout, but the Kings were still bad in the context of the short year, accumulating only 41 points).

As a final cherry on top of the shit sundae, Gretzky was traded away to the St. Louis Blues near the end of the 1995-96 season for a ton of picks and players when he pretty much asked out of the team. When you've lost Gretzky, you've lost hockey.

Remarkably Bad (2002-2009): The Kings managed to find new ways to be bad in the new millennium. The team missed the playoffs in six straight seasons from 2003 to 2009 (the 2005 season was cancelled due to the lockout), the longest playoff drought in team history.

The Kings never finished higher than third in the Pacific Division and finished dead last two years in a row from 2008 to 2009. 2007 was particularly bad, with the team accumulating just 68 points. For reference, since the league resumed play after the 2004-05 season was canceled, only sixteen teams have failed to crack 70 points in an 82 game season. Only the Phoenix Coyotes and the Philadelphia Flyers (who were historically bad that year) finished with worse records.

Names You Should Know

Butch Goring: A good player for the Kings in their early years. Goring played for the Kings all through the 70s and scored at least 50 points nine times, including his career high of 87 in 1979. He still ranks in the top ten in team history in goals, assists and points. Goring also won both the Byng and Masterton Trophies in 1978 (both of which have to do with a player's character, sportsmanship and perseverance, so if ever there was an NHL player worthy of a top hat, it's Goring).

For neat little trivia note, Goring later won four Stanley Cups with the New York Islanders dynasty of the early 80s (he also won the Conn Smythe Trophy, the playoff MVP award, after the 1981 Finals) and according to his teammate Mike Bossy, Goring apparently invented the concept of the playoff beard in sports during those runs. So you can blame Goring for the 2013 Red Sox.

Rogie Vachon: Another early star of the Kings and until recently, the premier goalie in team history. Vachon raked up 32 shutouts over his six complete seasons in Los Angeles (still a team record as of this writing, although Jonathan Quick has 31), including a career high eight in 1977. Vachon made two NHL All-Star Lists on the second team (the Lists are different from the All-Star Game, they're essentially the All-NHL teams) and went to three All-Star Games with the Kings. He was also the first player in Kings history to have his number retired (no King will ever again where the number 30). All in all, pretty great career.

Marcel Dionne: One of the most potent scorers in NHL history. Dionne is the career leader in Kings history in both points and assists, and second in goals scored. He also ranks fifth all-time in points, tenth in assists and fourth in goals scored across hockey. Um, holy shit.

To further explain Dionne's scoring ability, here's some context. There are 105 players in NHL history to have scored 100 points in a season. There are only 18 who have done it at least five times. Dionne did it eight times, good for third most in history behind Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux. Hot damn!

Dionne was a legitimate superstar on the Kings. Aside from being the centerpiece for the Triple Crown Line, Dionne went to seven of his eight All-Star Games while on the Kings and made four All-Star Lists. He was the first Kings player to win a major award, taking home the Byng Trophy twice in 1975 and 1977, the Lindsay Award (the NHLPA's award for best player) in 1979 and the Art Ross Trophy (goes to the top point scorer that year) in 1980.

Dionne was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame in 1992 as a player, becoming the first member of the hall of fame to be inducted while spending a significant portion of his career as a King. His number 16 jersey was also retired by the team.

Dave Taylor: Another member of the Triple Crown Line. Taylor went to four All-Star Games and made one All-Star List in his 17 year career. Taylor is also the only member of the Triple Crown Line who spent his entire career with the Kings, lasting from the late 70s to the mid 90s (he's also the only member of the Triple Crown Line to have made it to the Stanley Cup Finals). Taylor is currently locked at third in Kings history in goals, assists and points. His number 18 jersey was retired by the team.

Bernie Nicholls: A good scorer in Kings history. Nicholls has the distinction of scoring the most goals in a single season in Kings history with 70 in 1988-89, his last full season with the team. Considering this team once had Marcel Dione AND Wayne Gretzky on it at one time and they each never scored that many for the team, that's a pretty great feather in the cap for Nicholls. Nicholls went to three All-Star Games in his career, two with the Kings and is one of the few players in Kings history to be in the top ten scoring lists in team history not named Dionne or Gretzky.

Luc Robitaille: The best goal scorer in Kings history. Robitaille had three stints on the team across 14 of his 19 seasons, scoring 557 goals as a King, seven more than Marcel Dionne. Only Dionne scored more points overall in Kings history. Robitaille is also twelfth on the all-time goals scored list with 668.

Robitaille was on the All-Rookie Team (1st Team) in 1986-87 and made seven straight All-Star Lists to begin his career (he made it on eight total). He is the only Kings player in history to win the Calder Trophy (Rookie of the Year). He was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame as a player in 2009 and his number 20 jersey was retired by the team.

Wayne Gretzky: The Great One! Simply put, the greatest scorer in NHL history. Gretzky is not only the all-time leader in points, goals and assists, he's the leader by significant margins. He had 894 goals (93 more than second place Gordie Howe), 1,963 assists (714 more than second place Ron Francis) and he is the only player in history to score more than 2,000 points with an ungodly 2,857 (nearly 1,000 more than second place Mark Messier). Jesus Christ, holy shit and everything in between!

Listing all of Gretzky's accomplishments would take way, way too long, so let's just focus on what he did as a King and if I ever get to looking at the Oilers, I'll go over the rest then. He spent nearly eight seasons with the Kings and is in the top six all-time in team history in goals, assists and points. Of his 18 All-Star Game appearances (in 21 seasons- once again, Jesus...), seven were as a King. He made four All-Star Lists as a King (one quarter of his total, across the NHL and WHA). He won three Art Ross Trophies (of ten) and one of nine Hart Memorial Trophies (League MVP) in Los Angeles. And as mentioned above, he was instrumental in bringing renewed interest to hockey in California and the United States in general.

As a last batch of honors, Gretzky was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame as a player immediately following his retirement in 1999. He is one of just ten players in history to have the waiting period for induction waved and he will be the last. The Hall said they're no longer doing that. Fitting considering Gretzky's records and accomplishments probably won't be matched for decades, perhaps centuries.

Finally, Gretzky is the only player to have his number retired league wide in NHL history. He's just the second player to have that honor bestowed in American professional sports history after Jackie Robinson in baseball. So yeah, there will never be another number 99 in the NHL again (for a wide variety of reasons). Best hockey player ever? Best hockey player ever.

Rob Blake: One of the best defensemen in Kings history. Blake played more games for the Kings than any other D-man (805) and is the only D-man to win the Norris Trophy (given to the best defenseman that season) as a King. He was 1st Team All-Rookie in 1991 and three of his four All-Star List appearances came as a King. Four of his seven All-Star Game appearances came as a King, too. Blake was elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame this year as a player in the class of 2014 and his number 4 jersey will be retired this January.

Andy Murray: The winningest coach in Kings history. Murray coached the Kings for a record 480 games from 1999 to 2006 and won 215 games in that time. There's really not a whole lot to add to that unfortunately. The Kings made the playoffs in his first three seasons at the helm and made it out of the first round once. The rest of his tenure pointed the Kings closer to the shit team they became for much of the decade, a fate they didn't escape until they finally won the cup in 2012. And to make matters worse, he won fewer playoff games (10) than Barry Melrose (13), and Melrose won all of his in 1993 whereas Murray had three chances. More than likely, Murray won't be the winningest coach for too many more seasons.

Lubomir Visnovsky: One of the better players for the Kings during the dog days of the 2000s. Visnovsky made the All-Rookie team (1st Team) in 2001 and went to his only All-Star Game as a King in 2007. There's really not much more to add. He was a solid player during a squishy time for the Kings.

Five Current Guys You Should Know

Anze Kopitar: Definitely one of the most underrated members of the current Kings. Kopitar has thus far been a good player (he's scored 70 or more points in a full 82 game season five times in his seven chances) and has gone to two All-Star Games. However, it's the playoffs where he's truly left his mark.

In both of the Kings' Stanley Cup runs in 2012 and 2014, Kopitar led or tied all players in goals once and assists and points twice. In fact, he's currently third on the Kings' all-time playoff assists and points list. While he hasn't been awarded the Conn Smythe Trophy to this point in his career, he's put up numbers in two playoff runs that are certainly worthy of the award.

Jonathan Quick: A great goalie that will likely, or already has surpassed Rogie Vachon as best in team history. Quick had a fantastic 2012 postseason which ended with him earning the Conn Smythe Trophy. He had a 94.6 save percentage, leading all playoff goalies and is a record for goalies in a single postseason with at least 500 shots against. Quick has also amassed nine shutouts in the playoffs so far, tied for first with Henrik Lundqvist since the 2005 lockout.

While he hasn't played as well consistently since 2012, he was still good in the other playoff runs. The 705 shots he faced in the 2014 postseason was the third most in playoff history since they started keeping tabs on the stat in 1983-84 and he still managed a good, but impressive considering the context 91.1 save percentage. Quick has so far been selected to one All-Star Game during 2012 (his best season overall so far), but who knows, he could go to many more in the future.

Drew Doughty: The anchor of the stellar Kings defense. The Kings have been in the top ten in goals against every year of Doughty's career except for his first (they were first this past year and second in 2012 when they won their first championship). He was selected 1st Team All-Rookie in 2009 and made an All-Star List in 2010. He also tied teammate Anze Kopitar in assists in the 2012 postseason. This coming season will be his age 25 season and several reports say that Doughty will only get better over time. Considering what he's done so far in his career, that's a pretty scary proposition.

Jeff Carter: Coming to the team in a trade during the 2012 season, Carter gave the Kings an offensive shot in the arm upon his arrival in SoCal. He was tied for the playoff lead in goals in 2012 and was tied for second in points scored in the playoffs in 2014. While he hasn't shown up as much in the regular season (Drew Doughty, a defensemen mind you, has led the team in scoring twice since Carter's arrival), Carter still has shown that his offense will awaken at the right moments.

Darryl Sutter: The most successful coach in the history of the franchise. Sutter became the Kings' all-time leader in playoff wins when they won the Cup in 2012 and has kept padding that stat since. He currently has 41 wins, trouncing Berry Melrose at second with 13. The Kings have gotten to at least the Western Conference Finals since he assumed his place behind the glass and, obviously, won two Stanley Cups in three seasons, two more than any other Kings coach before him. That kind of good will leads to some good job security, so even though Sutter's 98 regular season wins are quite behind Andy Murray's 215, two Cups in three years means he'll likely break that record in the next few seasons or so.

***

That'll do it. Will the Kings reclaim their throne atop the NHL for the third time in four years? I dunno. Maybe. They could. It's realistic is what I'm saying. Okay, article over.

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 4 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 30-19 (.612)
BYES: ARI, CIN, CLE, DEN, SEA, STL

CAR @ BAL
GB @ CHI
BUF @ HOU
TEN @ IND
DET @ NYJ
MIA @ OAK
TB @ PIT
JAX @ SD
ATL @ MIN
PHI @ SF
NO @ DAL
NE @ KC

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 4 THURSDAY GAME

Week 3 Record: 12-4 (.750)
Total Record: 30-18 (.625)

Byes: ARI, CIN, CLE, DEN, SEA, STL

NYG @ WAS

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 3 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

So I realized something- I like just throwing up what I predicted rather than offer a half-assed explanation as to why I predicted games that way. For two reasons- one, it's faster. And two- my reasons for thinking things don't matter 99% of the time. So from now on, I'm giving you my predictions and you have to decide for yourselves why I picked Bills this week (spoiler: I picked the Bills this week). So here they are!

Total Record: 19-14 (.576)

SD @ BUF
TEN @ CIN
BAL @ CLE
GB @ DET
IND @ JAX
OAK @ NE
MIN @ NO
HOU @ NYG
WAS @ PHI
DAL @ STL
SF @ ARI
KC @ MIA
DEN @ SEA
PIT @ CAR
CHI @ NYJ

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 3 THURSDAY GAME

I forgot to put this up earlier. Here it is.

Week 2 Record: 9-7 (.563)
Total Record: 18-14 (.563)

TB @ ATL

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 2 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Note: Short one today. Poor time management will do that. Sorry.

Total Record: 10-7 (.588)

1. MIA @ BUF
2. DET @ CAR
3. ATL @ CIN
4. NO @ CLE
5. NE @ MIN
6. ARI @ NYG
7. DAL @ TEN
8. JAX @ WAS
9. KC @ DEN
10. NYJ @ GB
11. HOU @ OAK
12. SEA @ SD
13. STL @ TB
14. CHI @ SF
15. PHI @ IND

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 2 THURSDAY GAME

Week 1 Record: 9-7 (.563)
Total Record: 9-7 (.563)

Game: Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens

Thoughts: The Steelers are on the road and banged up, but I'm still picking them because fuck the Ravens and really, the NFL as it's constructed presently.

Pick: Pittsburgh

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 1 SUNDAY AND MONDAY GAMES

Total Record: 1-0 (1.000)

1. New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons

Thoughts: The Saints begin their season on the road, but in a dome. The Falcons are better than they were last year, but the Saints have a potent offense and capable defense. Ugh. Eh, screw it.

Picks: Saints

2. Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens

Thoughts: The Bengals are on the road against a divisional opponent. They're 2-7 since 2011 in that scenario.

Picks: Ravens

3. Buffalo Bills at Chicago Bears

Thoughts: I know a guy who I think will be very sad on Monday. I on the other hand will be happy. Quite happy.

Picks: Bears

4. Washington Redskins at Houston Texans

Thoughts: One of the few things the Texans did well last year was their pass defense, which was third-best in the league. With Robert Griffin III struggling and with Washington on the road, the Texans will get their first win in almost a full year.

Picks: Texans

5. Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs

Thoughts: Chiefs are at home and will win.

Picks: Chiefs

6. New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins

Thoughts: Patriots on the road but will win.

Picks: Patriots

7. Oakland Raiders at New York Jets

Thoughts: The Jets' secondary looks dreadful, and the Raiders are starting rookie Derek Carr, but he'll be going against a great Jets defensive line. I don't know what to think, so I'll just go with the home team.

Picks: Jets

8. Jacksonville Jaguars at Philadelphia Eagles

Thoughts: The Jaguars will be better this year, but not until week 2 at the earliest.

Picks: Eagles

9. Cleveland Browns vs. Pittsburgh Steelers

Thoughts: God the Browns are bad.

Picks: Steelers

10. Minnesota Vikings at St. Louis Rams

Thoughts: Tough call. I think the Rams' defense will maul Matt Cassel all game long and keep Adrian Peterson in check.

Picks: Rams

11. San Francisco 49ers at Dallas Cowboys

Thoughts: The 49ers are going to steal the Cowboys' lunch money then go to jail. Cause the 49ers, 'm I right?!

Picks: 49ers

12. Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Thoughts: Cam Newton has been gimpy for a month and Derek Anderson attended the production meeting for tomorrow's game. I don't know what that means other than the Bucs' defense beating the Panthers' asses.

Picks: Buccaneers

13. Indianapolis Colts at Denver Broncos

Thoughts: Big game, likely big points. I think the home field advantage will notch the Broncos the win, Welker or no Welker. I haven't looked this up, but I believe with this win, Peyton Manning would become the second quarterback to start against and beat all 32 teams. So yeah, another notch in his hall of fame belt.

Picks: Broncos

14. New York Giants at Detroit Lions

Thoughts: I'll be in class while this is going on, so I'll miss a majority of this game. Thank fucking God. I think the Lions will win despite playing sloppy ball. The Giants will be sloppier.

Picks: Lions

15. San Diego Chargers at Arizona Cardinals

Thoughts: I have to be in class by 8:30 in the morning. I'm not watching this game. Which is a shame, because I think it'll be fun. The Cardinals are the better team (or at least more talented on paper), so I'm going with them.

Picks: Cardinals

2014 NFL PREDICTIONS: WEEK 1 THURSDAY GAME

Just like every NFL team, I'm starting out 0-0. Let's dig into the match-up.

Game: Green Bay Packers at Seattle Seahawks

Thoughts: It's the first time the Packers have played the Seahawks since the Fail Mary game from 2011. You know, the game the Packers should've admittedly won but were screwed over by fake refs. Well the real NFL referees will be calling the game. Will the outcome be different? No.

I'm pretty sure I wrote "never bet against the Seahawks at home" for every Seahawks home game. It's not because I'm lazy (though coincidentally, I am very lazy), but because the 12th Man in Seattle is just overwhelming. I think it's going to be a surprisingly high scoring game, but I still think the Seahawks are going to be the first team to notch a victory this season.

Pick: Seahawks