NFL WEEK 16 PREDICTIONS

Week 15 Record: 9-7 (.563)
Total Record: 140-82 (.631)

1. Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills

Thoughts: Buffalo already beat Miami once this year and it's incredibly hard to sweep a division rival. I could see the Bills playing spoilers for the Dolphins' playoff hopes because the only thing the Bills are playing for right now is pettiness. But I think the Dolphins will win.

Pick: Dolphins

2. New Orleans Saints at Carolina Panthers

Thoughts: So the Saints suck on the road. They are on the road, ergo, they will lose. Plus, the Panthers probably want to whip their asses after they got thumped in the Superdome.

Pick: Panthers

3. Minnesota Vikings at Cincinnati Bengals

Thoughts: The Vikings aren't in the same division as the Bengals, so the Bengals will probably win. (Since 2011, the Bengals are 21-8 (.609) against opponents outside the AFC North, but are decisively mediocre 7-10 (.412) within the division. Also, they are 2-4 (.333) in nationally televised games during that same span. Good thing there is absolutely no pressure on them for this game.)

Pick: Bengals

4. Denver Broncos at Houston Texans

Thoughts: The Texans might put up a little fight before having their necks snapped under the heels of the Broncos.

Pick: Broncos

5. Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars

Thoughts: Tough call. The Jaguars have only lost by double digits once since coming off of their bye (and have only lost two games total in that span). I think the Jags will outlast the Titans.

Pick: Jaguars

6. Indianapolis Colts at Kansas City Chiefs

Thoughts: The Chiefs aren't imploding like the Texans, so I expect them to spank the Colts in Arrowhead.

Pick: Chiefs

7. Cleveland Browns at New York Jets

Thoughts: A game pitting two teams having nothing seasons; quite the toss-up. Home field advantage, go!

Pick: Jets

8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers at St. Louis Rams

Thoughts: This might be a pick 'em as well. The Rams are at home and theoretically are a more talented team, so advantage St. Louis.

Pick: Rams

9. Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins

Thoughts: As mediocre and flaky as the Cowboys are, do you really expect them to lose to Washington of all teams? I know the answer is "yes", but I'm still going with the Cowboys.

Pick: Cowboys

10. New England Patriots at Baltimore Ravens

Thoughts: The Ravens should win since they seem to have the Patriots' number and the Pats are so thin due to injuries. But I think the Patriots will pounce and take advantage of Joe Flacco's mildly sprained MCL.

Pick: Patriots

11. New York Giants at Detroit Lions

Thoughts: The Giants defense actually played pretty well against the Seahawks and the Lions are turnover prone. So I fully expect the Lions to continue to piss away their playoff chances this week.

Pick: Giants

12. Pittsburgh Steelers at Green Bay Packers

Thoughts: No Aaron Rodgers? No problem against the Steelers. I think. Maybe. Oh hell, I don't know!

Pick: Packers

13. Oakland Raiders at San Diego Chargers

Thoughts: After flirting with slight respectability at certain points this year, the Raiders are back to being a hot mess. A revived Philip Rivers will likely carve up the defense all day.

Pick: Chargers

14. Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks

Thoughts: Never bet against the Seahawks at home.

Pick: Seahawks

15. Chicago Bears at Philadelphia Eagles

Thoughts: Oh God, this game. The Eagles' pass defense is retched which gives the Bears a clear advantage, but I expect the Eagles to win with some offensive magic of their own.

Pick: Eagles

16. Atlanta Falcons at San Francisco 49ers

Thoughts: Last game ever at Candlestick Park for the 49ers, and fittingly, it's against a former division rival (the Falcons were in the NFC West from 1970 until 2001, despite the fact that they weren't, you know, located anywhere near the west). Also fittingly, this game will probably be like watching a Falcons/49ers game from the 80s where the 49ers just destroyed the Falcons most of the time.

Pick: 49ers